In this monthly column, we’re covering topics important to parents tackling everyday mental health issues with their children, giving them practical tools to help them grow into resilient, confident and kind kids. Here, Kate Jennings, LPC-S, DFWChild Mom Approved counselor at The Bug and Bee in Fort Worth, gives us her informed advice on more effective ways for parents to respond to their kids when they whine—and keep whining. Read on for tried-and-true tips and even word-for-word scripts on how she demonstrates empathy while also holding firm boundaries as a parent.
Congratulations, parents! You made it! After weeks of the Winter Whines, most students in DFW have headed back to school, and parents everywhere are breathing a collective sigh of relief. Don’t get me wrong, I love the break. I schedule clients later in the mornings so we can all sleep in (well, so I can sleep in). We decorate the house, and we have nightly s’mores by the firepit.
There are so many things I love about those few blurry, chilly weeks, but in between those precious moments live the dreaded Winter Whines. The “Mo-ooo-mmm”s and the “I’m borrrrred”s and the “I don’t wannnna take a bath”s. The whining is like nails on a chalkboard in my already overstimulated head, and honestly, I cringe just typing about it all.
“Stop Whining” Doesn’t Work
Sure, it would be easy to lay down the law. I could say something in my big-bad-boss-babe-mom-voice like, “Stop whining right now. You are almost 7 years old, and you sound like a baby. Quit. I’m tired of it!”
But I can tell you right now that that approach has worked approximately zero times in our household. Intimidation and ruling with an iron fist are not going to help you. If anything, now your kiddos are whiney and mom is “the worst mom ever!” because you turned off Bluey after the 56th episode.
What to Say Instead
I’ll admit it, Bandit and Chilli have more patience in their little puppy paws than I do in my whole body, and they make parenting seem pretty dang easy. One great takeaway I’ve learned from them, though, is that humor can solve just about anything. Here are a few ways to redirect those whines, Heeler Family-style:
- “Whoa! I think those whines are taking over your body. Should I try to tickle them all out?!”
- “Gosh, it’s so hard to understand you with all of those whines in your voice. Can you try that again?” The key with this one is to stay calm and even-toned. This will not work if you are sassy or sarcastic with it.
If your child is anything like my almost 7-year-old, these cheesy humor-based lines may just get you an eye roll in return. That’s when I try empathy. I stop what I’m doing, get on her eye level, and get her attention, “Let me see your hands,” (hold her hands) “Now let me see your eyes,” (make and hold eye contact).
- “You have my attention, what are you needing?”
- “It sounds like you’re having a really hard time right now. How can I help?”
- “It’s really hard when we have to turn off our favorite show. If you can turn it off without complaining now, maybe you can earn more Bluey time later.”
By offering empathy, you are teaching your children that their feelings and thoughts are important and matter. I explain to kids that “sympathy” is feeling bad/sad for someone, but “empathy” is feeling bad/sad with someone. You’re working to show your child that you’re in this together, and you’re trying to put yourself in their shoes because they are valued.
4 Parenting Scripts for Stopping the Whines
1) Sandwich a “no” between two instances of “yes”:
- “Bluey is so funny. I love this show! [Yes] We have to turn it off for now [No], so what would you like to do? [Yes and offering choices. Choices = sense of control].”
2) Has she asked four times in the past 15 minutes to go play with the neighbors?
- “Asked and answered.” On repeat, like a broken record.
3) He doesn’t want to put on a coat when the windchill is 17 degrees?
- “That’s a health alert. My job as your mom is to keep you healthy and safe. You must put on a coat if you want to go outside. If you don’t want to put on a coat, that’s OK. Just know you will need to stay inside.”
4) She wants to ride her bike to the park four blocks away with another 7-year-old?
- “That’s a safety alert, so my answer is no. I love you too much to argue with you. Where else would y’all like to explore?”
When the Frustration is Too Much
When you feel that frustration building up inside of you, take a break. I have told both of my kids before, “I am feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a break. I’m going to walk away, and I’ll come back when I’m ready.”
It is OK to admit when you’re feeling overwhelmed. You are modeling for your children to both talk about their feelings and use coping skills. If all of the above fail, you’ll find me sitting in silence in my closet with my back up against the door. I like to think Bandit and Chilli would be proud of me because we all need to just walk away sometimes.
So next time the whining is driving you up a wall, give the above tips a try. And if none of them work, remember today was a day. Tomorrow will be a new one. You got this, and I’ve got you.
For more parenting tips and tricks from Kate, you can follow her Instagram @thebugandbee. To schedule your children with a therapist at The Bug and Bee, visit thebugandbee.com or email info@thebugandbee.com.
RELATED: Mentally Strong Kids: Should I Force My Kid to Give Hugs?
This column was originally published in January 2025.
Top image: iStock
