“Speak up for yourself!” That’s a command so many of us have heard in life, sometimes lobbed at us by kind-hearted parents, teachers and even co-workers in a well-meaning attempt to push us into self-advocacy. Thankfully, these days we’re learning the importance of giving our children tools and resources that encourage them to constructively state their needs and represent who they are to the world. Otherwise, telling them to speak up for themselves is kind of like asking them to solve a complicated math problem without any strategies for finding the solution.
The ability to self-advocate matters because it allows our kids to problem solve for what they need and know how to ask for help. When they understand their value and can express themselves clearly, they’re able to say yes or no with confidence to big and small decisions, promote or defend themselves and motivate their peers to do what’s right.
“Advocacy doesn’t always mean shouting from a stage–sometimes it’s just having the courage to say, ‘This is what I think, and it matters.'”
For children with thinking and learning differences, those skills may translate into explaining a learning disability by sharing how they use their strengths and accommodations to succeed in school. We don’t want our children just along for the ride of life, we want them in the driver’s seat, clearly able to express themselves as best they can to make sure their voice is heard in a productive way.
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To learn more about self-advocacy, we reached out to local expert Amy Cushner, associate head of early childhood to sixth grade at the Shelton School in Dallas, a private nonprofit and the largest independent school worldwide for intelligent children with learning differences.
She holds an M.Ed., is a certified academic language therapist, qualified instructor in multisensory structured language education programs for written language disorders and is Montessori certified. Perhaps most importantly, she tells us she has “30 years of joyful experience in working with children with learning differences and their families.” Here’s what she had to say:
DFWChild: How early, age-wise, can you start teaching your child to self-advocate, and what does that look like?
Amy Cushner: Advocacy, simply put, is using language to convey our thoughts. A young child begins developing this ability as language emerges. Even an infant crying is a form of advocacy.
As a child matures and acquires language, “no!” becomes advocacy. It then builds into phrases, sentences and justifications. Ever find yourself justifying to a 5-year-old why it’s bedtime? That 5-year-old is using language as advocacy.
Each experience a child has with advocacy leads to a greater understanding of situational relevance and the guardrails that define what is “appropriate” advocacy.
Advocacy doesn’t always mean shouting from a stage–sometimes it’s just having the courage to say, “This is what I think, and it matters.”
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DFWChild: One of the most significant barriers to student self-advocacy is recognizing when help is needed. As children grow older, how do we, as parents, help them recognize their strengths and struggles?
AC: In my experience, when children enter collective education and begin comparing themselves to others, the recognition of their struggles begins. This awareness often stems from our human tendency to notice what we cannot do before recognizing what we can.
“What should a parent do? Watch. Observe your child. What captures their attention and focus?”
As a parent, listen first. Pause. See if more details emerge that help you understand the level of struggle. Then, ask a variation of one of these questions:
• Would you like my help?
• How would you like to handle this?
• Do you want to act on this?
These questions are proactive and create a template for agency. Agency is activation and empowerment.
When it comes to strengths, competence builds confidence and plants the seeds for lasting growth. The wise person places themselves in situations where success is achievable.
What should a parent do? Watch. Observe your child. What captures their attention and focus? What do they spend time thinking about or interacting with? These are their strengths. Parents can then provide affordable opportunities to explore these interests. Even if these attempts are not sustainable or successful, they become moments of embodied confidence and self-development.
A note of caution: Showering a child with compliments can create a reliance on others’ opinions, which can lead to a more subjective self-esteem.
DFWChild: How do we help children communicate their needs and rights?
AC: Begin with a family-wide approach to open dialogue–for everyone, not just the adults. Create a mantra or phrase that embraces advocacy with civility. For example: “I see that differently.”
This kind of statement is respectful, opens the door to further discussion, and acknowledges different perspectives. One of my favorite quotes, from an article I read years ago, sums it up beautifully: “Different is not right or wrong. It’s just different.”
DFWChild: How does the ability to speak up positively impact students’ learning, self-image and independence?
AC: I see children as active participants in their learning, and their voices are valued. Speaking up helps them communicate their needs, thoughts and feelings clearly, which fosters independence.
By engaging in conversation, asking questions, and making choices, children are not only developing language skills–they are cultivating critical thinking, problem-solving abilities and emotional intelligence. What more could we want?
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Top image: iStock
