Whew, I’m glad that’s over. Another holiday season in the books.
No, I’m not a “bah humbug” sort of guy. But along with all the holiday cheer and cool gift cards also comes an added bonus for yours truly—namely living through the holidays with the first name Rudy—or Rudolph as it reads on my driver’s license. That dang reindeer cartoon (perhaps you’ve seen it—a million times) has been the bane of my existence.
So I’m glad it’s January.
“Rudolph Kla-can-i-nek” the teacher would stammer on the first day of school … every classroom, every semester, every year.
“It’s Rudy,” I would say over muffled giggles from my so-called friends. Kids can be cruel. We all know that. Give them an inch to make fun of and they take a pound of flesh.
Thanks to my parents—and a very focused and determined grandfather—I became the third consecutive Rudolph Joseph Klancnik (properly pronounced Klan-ick) to grace this planet. Why they didn’t just opt for “Trey” is anyone’s guess. But when you own a last name that’s tougher to deal with than Tiger Woods’ wife wielding a 7-iron, you deserve a break on the first name—right? Something easy, like John or Jack. But, no, Rudolph was their choice and Rudolph it remains.
How many of you out there are happy with your first name? How many old-school male names such as George or Lyndon play well in schoolyards across this land? How many Sunshines or Moonpies still can’t believe their deadhead parents were serious about naming them? Hey, being born in the age of Flower Power wasn’t our fault.
At no other time do so many think so much and yet come up with so little as when parents name their kids. Maybe this bit of research will help: According to Social Science Quarterly, people with unpopular names have a higher risk of criminality than people with popular ones. This study shows that boys with popular names (Michael topped this list) committed the fewest crimes, while boys with unpopular names, like Ernest and Ivan, committed the most. That study also shows that familiar names lead to greater social acceptance, which leads to greater self-acceptance—and that, this study concludes, naturally leads to better behavior.
I know what you’re thinking: “Are the police staking out Rudy out as he types this?” Perhaps, but, overall, I’m pretty law-abiding as citizens go, so I think I’m good for now.
So why do we trick up our kids’ names? Maybe so they stand out. So they’ll be unique, special, exclusive and super cool. Why spell Rebecca the old fuddy-duddy way when you can go with Raybecka?
Celebrities might actually have the right idea when it comes to names. They simply change them as adults to fit their needs. Take Tom Cruise, for instance. What a great name. Yet he was born Thomas Mapother. Bono was Paul Hewson. The late and great John Wayne might never have been considered a tough guy had he not switched from his given name of Marion Morrison.
So why don’t more adults jettison their unwanted name and go with something that better fits their persona? Personally, I’ve always felt like a Kevin or Kyle, although the alliteration might be weird. Russell (my mom’s brother’s name) makes more sense—especially since I wouldn’t have to change my monogrammed towels.
What about my kids’ names, you ask? I’m not going to give you their names in this space, but know that my daughter is named after a very popular former president and my son is named after the cool guy with the Porsche in the great ’80s film Sixteen Candles. They have names that are built to last. The bonus for my daughter is that someday she also can ditch that clunky last name … but not too soon, I hope. dc
