I am blessed to wear many hats in my life. I am a biological father, a stepfather and an educator, to name just a few.
How did I get these hats? Let me start at the beginning with a little backstory: My original degree was in social work, but a few years into a career in this field, I knew I needed a change. I went back to school and became a special education teacher at an elementary school. A 6-year-old boy was placed in my self-contained classroom, and my life changed for the better, forever. His name was Nicholas, and he and his mother had just moved from Oregon. She was finishing her degree at the local university, which happened to be right near the elementary school. Little did I know that Jackie, Nicholas’ mother, would be my future wife and the love of my life. I truly believe it was the Lord’s plan to put me at that school and bring Nicholas and Jackie into my life.
Jackie and I were married a few years later, and I assumed my role as stepfather, but I was so much more. I was a father. I dislike the term “step.” To me it means second or runner-up. I know this is not the case, but sometimes it feels this way.
I chose this family. I chose to marry my wife, the mother of an amazing child with multiple disabilities. The disabilities didn’t matter; Jackie and Nick were and are my family. No matter what challenges presented themselves—and boy, there were and still are many—we would do it together as a family. True, I was the stepfather, but I jumped into the role headfirst, troubleshooting along the way. I stepped into the role with a nonverbal 6-year-old child, who was not toilet trained and could not perform any self-help skills on his own. I’m not going to lie. It was the hardest role I have ever assumed. But the reward of teaming up with Jackie to raise, teach and serve Nick has been an amazing journey. I was overwhelmed with joy when we successfully taught Nick sign language so he could communicate his wants and needs. I felt victorious that after a year of toilet training, Nick was able to wear underpants instead of Pull-Ups, and I still remember Jackie and I eating dinner on a tray on the side of the bathtub while Nick practiced his timing trials for using the bathroom.
And during all of this, I worried about making sure I was a husband first and attempted to make sure my wife’s wants and needs were met.
A few years later, we had my beautiful daughter, Kiersten. A few more years down the road, we had Ethan, and he completed our family of five.
While Nick was still healthy and we were just dealing with his autism and an intellectual disability, our younger son, Ethan, was fighting for his life as he battled pressure in his brain, pneumonia and several other conditions that made him a medical mystery to lots of doctors. For two years, one of us lived in the hospital with Ethan and one of us was at home with our other two children.
Fast-forward to our lives now: Ethan has chronic ongoing medical issues and will for the rest of his life, but he’s stable. On the other hand, Nick continues to fight for his life and what a fighter he is. Over the past few years, as Nick’s health has deteriorated, I have been his advocate every step of the way, the “step” as it refers to me, has gone by the wayside. I am Nick’s legal guardian and father, and he is not only my son but one of my best friends.
I have him to thank for these hats I wear. It all started with Nick. Without him, I would not have met my beautiful wife, I would not have my other two wonderful and amazing children, I would not have my perfect, complete family. Nick may not be my biological son; he may not be mine by blood, but he is mine! And for this, I am eternally grateful.
