While you’re the real expert on what’s right for your child, even the most seasoned parent needs a little help from time to time. So we’re here for you to lean on when you find yourself in a parenting pinch, and we’ve rounded up top area experts to help us answer some of your questions.
Q: Dear DC,
My 10-year-old moans and groans when I ask him to take our dog for a walk. I worry he’s not getting enough exercise. How do I know how much exercise is enough? And how can I do a better job of making fitness a part of our daily lives? – Idle in Irving
A: Dear Idle,
We can relate! Motivating our kids to exercise can be a struggle. So we turned to Cheryl Boswell, a youth fitness program planner, who eases our guilt just a little by pointing out that it’s tough to make walking the dog seem as exciting as a video game or an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.
But take heart; there are ways to get your kids off the couch. Boswell shares an easy program to make this transition in your home with an at-home tool for parents developed by the YMCA of the USA—it’s called Healthy Family Home (available here: www.ymca.net/healthyfamilyhome). “This online program stresses the power of small, sustainable changes, and provides a variety of different family-oriented physical activities to keep both body and mind engaged,” explains Boswell.
Or make up your own at-home activities that keep your kids moving, says Boswell. For example, create your own family obstacle course with stations that require the whole family to hula-hoop, do jumping jacks, jump rope or march in place. Set a timer and have family members move around to each station and perform the activity for one minute. Increase the time by 30 seconds as the family begins to master each station,” she suggests..
Just like with the Healthy Family Home, “The real life changes come when family members take this challenge together and help each other follow through with your fitness goals,” adds Boswell. – DC
Q: Dear DC,
I do my best when shopping for healthy foods for my family, but I won’t always be around, and I want my kids to know how to make their own healthy eating decisions. If I’m confused by all the choices, I know they must be. Please help! – Plano Mom
A: Dear Plano Mom,
With all the no-eat zones being outlined in the headlines, we were confused, too—until we got a bit of practical advice from Angela Lemond, a registered and licensed dietitian and specialist in pediatric nutrition. The best and most balanced way to look at nutrition, she says, is to adopt a “no forbidden foods” Policy. Eating healthy cannot be defined by a certain food or even a certain meal, she explains. It’s more about meal patterns.
“It’s important to teach your children we can all enjoy ‘sometimes foods’ in moderation,” says Lemond.
Next, she says parents should model the eating behaviors they want their kids to abide by (yes, that means giving up your stash of chocolates), and your children will follow suit.
After all, “It’s not so much what you tell them, but what you do that will have the lasting impact,” she explains. “Kids are very smart, and I believe that when you discuss the reasons behind eating certain foods, they feel more invested.”
For very young children, you can begin by talking about the “super powers” in fruits and vegetables, Lemond suggests. With older kids and adolescents, you can discuss the positive effects that healthy foods have on their skin (read: acne!), energy level or on schoolwork.
But Lemond recommends deemphasizing the connection of food and body weight in children to avoid disordered thinking around food. Focus on the positive aspects, and they’ll learn to choose them when we are not around!” she says. “I do this with my own children and, so far, it works very well.” – DC
Q: Dear DC,
My kids squabble over everything—and I mean everything! (Like who gets to eat the last Cheerio, who chooses the TV show, who owns a particular toy—the list goes on!). How can I help moderate these family feuds so my kids learn to get along—not just with each other, but with everyone? – Frustrated in Frisco
A: Dear Frustrated,
We’re pretty sure not one household with occupants under the age of 18 is ever completely free of strife. It’s normal human behavior to disagree. But, cautions Mary Sanger, a licensed professional counselor, kids learn more from what parents do than from what they say. So, “If your children are having difficulty resolving conflict, take a hard look at your own behavior.” Do you model positive behavior when dealing with disagreements? If not, says Sanger, consider readjusting your behavior to have a affect on how your kids act in similar circumstances.
When they’re smack dab in the middle of conflict, try to allow them to resolve it on their own, advises Sanger. If you must get involved, help them brainstorm possible solutions while remaining a collaborative helper rather than the authority figure. “Instead of resolving the conflict for them, coach them on how to find solutions for themselves,” she says. “Never allow name-calling. Help kids learn words for emotions so they can communicate them rather than acting them out.”
And, she adds, if you need professional help learning to resolve conflict productively, don’t be afraid to seek help. – DC
Q: Dear DC,
I don’t always agree with my son’s teacher—mainly over issues concerning discipline or teaching styles. How can I politely voice my opinions without offending his teacher or making things worse for my son at school? – Just a Mom
A: Dear Just a Mom,
We feel it’s important that parents try to build a positive relationship with their child’s teachers. Tammie Brooks, a Blue Ribbon elementary school principal, encourages parents to maintain an open line of communication with the teacher and the school. She says parents should feel confident when asking teachers about their child’s behavior and lessons (and yes, even discipline).
“When teachers and parents work together to identify a student’s needs, we’re often able to provide a more comprehensive education,” says Brooks. However, if parents feel that teachers are not responding, they should go to the principal, who will always act as an intermediary and help to create dialogue between the parent and teacher, she says.
“When I know there is a concern, I go to the teachers and ask that they make the initial contact with parents,” she says. “This contact should be made face to face but when it isn’t possible, I ask the teacher to make a phone call to the parent. I have found many times that when verbal dialogue takes place, concerns can easily be alleviated.” – DC
Q: Dear DC,
Sometimes I notice behavioral or developmental delays in my daughter that just feel off. Our doctor tells me she’s right on target, but I still feel unsettled. What should I do? Should I get a second opinion? – Dallas Dad
A: Dear Dallas Dad,
We asked Dr. Michael Lee, a board-certified pediatrician, and he reassures us, “Don’t worry about hurting your doctor’s feelings—your doctor wants whatever is in the best interest of your child.”
Behavioral or developmental delays can be difficult things for a physician to make note of during a 30-minute appointment, he says. So trust your instincts.
“Your first step should be to voice your concerns,” advises Lee. “Make sure to either call or schedule a repeat appointment with your doctor and let him know you are really bothered. Address your concerns clearly, then decide together if action is needed.”
Your physician has a network of professionals who might be able to help, and that’s of huge value to you as a busy parent. And by involving your primary doctor in a referral or second opinion, you move forward as a team as you pursue answers, adds Lee. – DC
Q: Dear DC,
When I ask my 4-year-old a question, her answer is always “no”—no matter the situation. How do I move past this and help her make decisions? – University Park Parent of a very willful 4-year-old
A: Dear University Park Parent,
First of all, some kids are genetically hardwired to be hardheaded. Jim Fay, author and parenting expert, corroborates that fact: “These genetic characteristics come from the same place that high cholesterol comes from; you can often trace it back to Dad,” says Fay.
But we are the parents, he reminds us, and the best way to trick any “super-sharp” kid is to give her choices. “Just be sure you’ll be happy with whatever choice she makes,” he says.
For example, when you’re getting ready to leave for school in the morning, say to your daughter, “Would you like to leave now, or in 10 minutes?” Either way, she’ll have to agree to getting in the car and heading to school, but giving her a choice about the departure time plays to her need to make her own decisions, says Fay. She’ll jump onboard really fast. However, if you’re not ready to leave this minute, don’t offer it as a choice.
Give your child 3 to 5 seconds to make her decision, advises Fay. After that, promptly tell her that her time is up and now it’s up to you to decide when to leave. This will train her to make quick decisions, he explains.
But, he cautions, “Keep in mind that you cannot give an order first, then revise your statement and provide new choices when your child says ‘no.’ If you do, she’s learning mom or dad is a wimp and is up for negotiation.” – DC
Q: Dear DC,
My friend’s child is so polite. He always says, “yes ma’am, no sir.” I don’t think our parenting styles are so different, but my kids just aren’t as respectful of their elders. How can I teach my kids better manners? – Anxious in Allen
A: Dear Anxious,
We, too, admire those ultrapolite kids, so we asked Joy Weaver, an author and speaker on etiquette dilemmas, how to best inspire that trait in our children.
She says that most kids respond well when we promote good manners with positive reinforcement and sincere compliments, but she reminds us, “Teaching our kids good manners is a habit!” And “Our own consistent good manners are what children see and mimic. We parents can set verbal expectations, but if we do not follow the same rules, our children do not buy into the value.”
So parents, your children are watching! “Always, be patient and persistent and set the right example consistently,” says Weaver. And, “Never give up—your children will thank you later.” – DC
