On a recent trip to the playground, I noticed an unsettling phenomenon. Quite a few of the kids there weren’t playing at all. Instead, they were staring down at a phone. Lest I seem judgy, I’ll be the first to admit I often get sucked into my smartphone when there are more meaningful things I could be doing too—yes, like playing with my kids. That urge to check an email, read an article or mindlessly scroll can be hard to resist for me as a mindful adult. So for a kid? That pull can be overwhelming.
So what’s the solution? No phones at all? That seems unlikely. According to Common Sense Media, about half of kids in the U.S. have a smartphone by age 11. By age 14, that rate climbs to 91%. And while there are good reasons to wait on giving your child a phone, there are good reasons to put one in their pocket too. Among them are a way to get in touch in case of emergency, a GPS, and a means of socialization.
For expert advice on the topic, we turned to Dr. Celia Heppner, a pediatric psychologist at Children’s Health in Dallas and associate professor at UT Southwestern Medical Center. Here’s what she says about what to consider before handing over a phone to your screen-loving kid.
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At what age would you recommend a child first get a cellphone?
Dr. Celia Heppner: First, remember that not all cellphones are smartphones. Cellphones that allow only for calls and texts (think of a basic flip phone from the early 2000s) are still available and can be a good option for kids who need a line of communication with family members but aren’t ready for a smartphone. The access smartphones provide to social media and the internet introduces different risks for safety, privacy and mental health.
Research hasn’t revealed a specific age at which the benefits of a child having a cellphone outweigh the risks, so I would encourage parents to consider multiple factors in making decisions about their child’s readiness for a cellphone. Instead of age, developmental level may be a better indicator of cellphone readiness because this takes a child’s cognitive ability, as well as their social and emotional maturity, into account. These are the skills that will support the choices your child makes as they use a cellphone.
For example, if your child tends to have a more difficult time controlling their impulses or anticipating consequences compared to their peers, it may make sense to wait until they’re more consistently demonstrating these skills before getting them a cellphone, even if many of their peers have one.
“This can be a great opportunity to start a conversation about cellphone use with your child and set the stage for open communication.”
What should parents consider before giving a child their own cellphone?
CH: An important step in the planning process would be setting ground rules for safe and appropriate cellphone use. The American Academy of Pediatrics has an online tool to build a Family Media Plan, which can be a good starting place to guide the conversation about how a cellphone would be used.
When adults sign up for cellphone service, we sign a contract with our service provider. Similarly, parents may also consider developing a written “contract” with their child that covers expectations for parents’ access to their child’s phone and passwords, when the phone can be used and when it’s off limits, who pays for the phone, how phone time will be earned, and other topics as appropriate.
Finally, I encourage parents to consider how they’re modeling cellphone use before getting their child their own phone. Kids will take cues from their parents about how and when a cellphone should be used, so it’s important to practice the phone habits you want your child to use. For example, staying off your phone while driving, putting your phone away during meals and conversations.
What are the specific issues with elementary-aged children having a cellphone?
CH: Elementary school encompasses a huge phase of development. Most kids start kindergarten at 5 years and finish fifth grade at 10 or 11 years old. So it’s good to be cautious about generalizing information on cellphone use for elementary-aged children.
On the younger end of this age range, kids may have difficulty with things like avoiding damaging their phone, and they’re less likely to have the cognitive and emotional skills to navigate more complex issues like understanding why someone might lie about their identity online.
At the older end of this age range, preteens tend to find attention and approval from peers to be increasingly rewarding. They may be more likely to engage in social comparison online, which is linked to higher risk for concerns, including poor self-image and depression.
Throughout this age range, parental coaching and monitoring is consistently important. For example, younger kids who have a flip phone for emergencies should understand not to respond to calls or texts from unknown numbers and to notify parents when this happens. For preteens, close supervision is recommended if parents decide to allow smartphone use, even with active parental controls on the device. While parental controls can be a helpful tool, they aren’t a fail-safe to ensure safe, appropriate, and healthy phone use.
Parents might want their young child to have a phone to have access to them. But why do kids want them?
CH: I think this is a great question for parents to ask kids when the topic of phones comes up to understand their child’s expectations and motivations for having a phone. For younger kids, communicating with family members may be motivating, but you may hear other reasons for their interest, such as other peers getting phones or using a phone as an extension of other screen time to watch videos or play games.
“[Show] your child how you use ‘do not disturb’ so you can fully engage in a conversation or pay attention to a movie you’re watching together without checking your phone.”
How should parents respond to young children asking for a phone?
CH: Asking for a cellphone doesn’t mean it’s time for your child to have one, but this can be a great opportunity to start a conversation about cellphone use with your child and set the stage for open communication about this topic in the future.
Asking open-ended questions like, “What do you look forward to about having your own cellphone?” “What do you think will be the hardest things about having your own phone?” and “What rules do you think we should have about using cellphones in our family?” will help you understand your child’s perspective on phone use and may even give you some ideas about healthy cellphone behaviors you can start modeling now.
If peer pressure is contributing to kids wanting a phone, would you recommend parents talking to other parents about aligning their values?
CH: Talking with other parents about plans for giving their child a cellphone may be helpful, but keep in mind that other parents’ values may differ from yours for a variety of reasons and it may not be possible to get completely on the same page.
It’s also important to consider that kids may mature at different paces, so your child may not be ready for a phone as soon as their best friend gets one. I recommend setting the expectation with your child (ideally, starting this conversation before their peers are getting phones) that your family will decide together when it’s time to allow them to have their own phone, and this decision will be based on their own individual readiness and need for a phone.
Phones in schools is a hot topic right now. How might schools address the issue?
CH: We know cellphones can be extremely distracting. Even if students aren’t actively using a cellphone in class, they may be receiving notifications that disrupt their attention. However, having access to cellphones at school may also allow for communication in emergency situations and quick access to support for physical and mental health concerns. For example, a student with depression may use their cellphone to quickly reach a crisis text line.
For parents, I recommend modeling and setting expectations for intentional phone use to support your child’s ability to minimize distractions for themselves regardless of their school’s cellphone policy.
This may include showing your child how you use “do not disturb” so you can fully engage in a conversation or pay attention to a movie you’re watching together without checking your phone, and discussing (if your child is permitted to have a phone at school) the expectation that your child is turning notifications off during class or leaving their phone in their locker and only checking it between classes.
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