In the ideal parenting world, you would have two parents — both taking on half the responsibilities and half the work. That ideal is rare in families with typical children; sometimes even more rare in families that include a child with special needs. Sometimes, one parent disengages.
“Often they find themselves outmanned and overwhelmed,” says Dr. Charles Darwin, a Dallas therapist who specializes in marriage and family counseling.
In order to keep both partners equally engaged in parenting, Darwin offers these tips: First, spend time together. “As the couple begins to rediscover each other and they commit themselves to time alone together, they can reconcile any unresolved problems so they can be partners in care giving,” he says.
Next, consider your baggage. Serious trouble in a relationship doesn’t come just with the birth of a child with special needs, Darwin says. Consider your history, including your own childhood.
Lastly, ask your partner where he or she needs help. You might think making a to-do list would be helpful, but often it causes resentment. Darwin suggests something like, “I’m changing the twins here and Joey needs something. Is there something you can do for him?”
