Elise McVeigh writes a monthly manners advice column for DFWChild. If you have any etiquette questions, email them to mrsmcveighsmanners@gmail.com and she might answer them in her next column. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I am not trying to sound like an uptight old woman, but I get very upset every year on Halloween night. I have a list of what I think you will agree is bad “trick or treat” etiquette. First of all, trick-or-treating should only be for children. Why do some adults think that they should dress up for Halloween and get candy? Next, a “thank you” would be nice. I have so many children just take the candy and not even thank me.
Also, my understanding has always been that if someone’s light is not on, then they have run out of candy, so skip the house and go to the next one. Last but not least, last year I had some kids ring my doorbell and run repeatedly. Please remind parents of good manners for their children on Halloween night.
Thank you,
—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am glad to review trick-or-treating manners with parents. I have had a few issues with trick-or-treaters as well.
I am always big on role-playing good (and bad) manners with children. Trick-or-treating manners is a great thing to role-play with your children before the big night. Remind them that no matter what kind of candy they are given, to just say, “Thank you.”
The one incident that really sticks out to me is what gave me inspiration for a trick or treat lesson. One year I had a child tell me he did not like what he gave me and demanded another kind of candy. When I refused (to make a point), he came back and threw the candy back in the bucket.
In the lesson role-play, I tell the children that I am going to give them a Halloween pencil, and even if they want a different color or design, they do not need to say that out-loud. They just need to say, “Thank you.” Then I add if they want to tell their sibling, parent or friend that they do not like the treat that they are given, to wait until they are somewhere far enough away so the person who gives them the treat cannot hear them.
Also, please remind your children that if the candy bowl is offered to them to choose some candy—one per customer is good manners. I have seen children who take more than their share of candy. Also, if they approach a house that has candy sitting out, remind them to be on the honor system. It is so tempting to take it all, but that’s not the honest thing to do.
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You can also include in the role-play to make small talk with the adults giving out the candy. I think we have scared children into not talking to strangers, so they do not think they should speak to anyone they do not know. Tell them it is safe to talk to other adults if you are with them. Role-play that you are handing out candy and tell your child that you like their costume. Expect them to make eye-contact and say, “Thank you.” Then do another role-play and ask your child what they are dressed-up as. Make sure they use a clear voice and, once again, good eye-contact.
I agree with you that if a porch light is not on, then you skip the house because they are out of candy or are not participating in trick-or-treaters. As for ringing the door bell and running, that is rude any time. We can assume that these children are roaming around without adult supervision and that their parents probably have no idea that their kids are doing this.
If anyone has any other questions about trick-or-treating manners, or any type of etiquette situation, please feel free to email me at mrsmcveighsmanners@gmail.com.
—Mrs. McVeigh
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Top image: iStock
