Elise McVeigh writes a monthly manners advice column for DFWChild. If you have any etiquette questions, email them to mrsmcveighsmanners@gmail.com and she might answer them in her next column. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
Last week I threw a birthday party for my 2-year-old. I have heard that if people bring you a gift and you say thank you in person, then you do not need to write them a thank-you note. I thanked everyone for their gift in person and even sent a text thanking them again. Please tell me that this is enough of a thank you! My mother-in-law brought me the thank-you notes where you can fill in the person’s name and the name of the gift. She thinks I need to send them out to people. I think that is overkill. What is the correct thing to do?
—Birthday Party Mom
Dear Birthday Party Mom,
Thank you for this question. Traditional etiquette says that a thank you in person for a gift is enough, however, most etiquette experts do not agree with this. I am one of those people. I think a handwritten thank-you note is necessary and appreciated. Many times when I have written people a note, I see it hanging on their bulletin board at work or home. People get so excited to get mail—especially when it is a note from a friend!
Also, a common mistake people make when writing thank-you notes on behalf of a child, is they write it in the child’s voice. This would be fine if the child is older and needs help with writing the note and can sign their name. But if you are writing a note of behalf of a 2-year-old child, then write it in your voice.
A good thank-you note should be at least five sentences. The note should include: naming the gift specifically; how it will be used or where it will be placed; how you enjoyed seeing the person at the event (or how you are sad they were not able to be there); and how you appreciate their thoughtfulness. I typically end my note saying how I look forward to seeing them soon.
Also, not to offend your mother-in-law, but I am definitely not a fan at all of the fill-in-the-blank thank-you notes. Thank-you notes need to be written on appropriate stationery. Your stationery does not even have to be customized with your name or monogram (although that is always nice to have). You can get blank note cards or folded notes with matching envelopes at an office supply store or grocery store. I know people are getting creative with their thank yous and notes, but nothing is a substitute for a handwritten thank-you note.
Here is an example of a thank-you note for a child’s birthday party.
Dear Aunt Elanie,
Thank you so much for coming to Lucy’s party. We were so excited to have you be part of her big day! Thank you also for the adorable talking teddy bear and the money to put into her college fund. She has been carrying the bear around ever since she got it. We can tell how much she really loves it. We really appreciate how thoughtful you always are with her. And thank you for your generosity with the money for her college fund. It is so great to have it already started.
As always, we really enjoyed spending time with you. We are looking forward to seeing you at the next family gathering.
Love,
Margaret
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