Elise McVeigh writes a monthly manners advice column for DFWChild. If you have any etiquette questions, email them to mrsmcveighsmanners@gmail.com and she might answer them in her next column. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook and visit her website at mrsmcveigh.com.
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
Every year my husband and I make a New Year’s resolution that we will set a good example for our children to have good manners. The things I have thought of includes: getting my husband to stop belching so much; not using profanity; sitting down to eat at a table, instead of in front of the TV; and getting the kids to say please and thank you more. Any suggestions of things that you think should be on our list, and how to best set an example for our children, would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
—Parents Trying Their Best
Dear Parents Trying Their Best,
I think your list is a good one, and I would like to add some more to it. First, I applaud you for wanting to sit down at the dinner table as a family. Not only will you be able to encourage good utensil use and table manners, but you can teach your children how to be good conversationalists. I would take it a step further and ask your children to set the table every night.
You mentioned getting them to say please and thank you more. Saying this a lot to the people you and your husband interact with (as well as one another) is a great way to set a good example. As adults, we often forget to use kind words to the people we love the most (such as our spouse and children), so get into the habit of doing this more with a pleasant tone of voice and smile.
Practicing Good Posture
Having good posture and eye contact is a big key to the having good manners. I find myself asking children and adult students to do this repeatedly in so many of my lessons. Electronics has really been a negative for people’s posture. We are all slumping over to look at our phones and screens. Working from home has not helped either. Instead of being at an office and working at a desk, a lot of people are sitting on an uncomfortable chair, or even sitting on their bed, which is making their posture worse.
Why is posture so important? People with good posture appear more polished and confident. Eye contact is also part of being a polished person. It shows that you are listening to the other person, as well as being respectful.
Writing Thank-You Notes
Knowing how to write a thank-you note is an important skill. Not a lot of people like to write them, but they really are impactful. Next time you find an occasion that you can write a thank-you note, I would make a big show about it, and tell your children how you are writing one and why. Explain to them that etiquette says that you should send someone a note when they give you a gift or do something above and beyond for you, such as staying at someone’s house when you go out of town or making a fancy dinner.
It also makes people’s day to get something unexpected in their mailbox. To get your children excited about writing notes, you can have them pick out some cute stationery with their name or monogram on it. A perfect opportunity to write notes is for holiday gifts, or when they have their next birthday.
Being the Example
Setting a good example as a parent to have good manners is an important New Year’s resolution. Keeping it in the front of your mind and practicing good manners each day will show your children how they can have a lot of success having good manners.
To me, good manners and social skills is as important as doing well in school and excelling at an extracurricular activity. You can be the smartest person in the room, but if you do not have good manners and social skills, then you have a hard time being successful.
Good social skills will someday help your child get into the school that they want; a sorority, fraternity, or other organization; and ultimately a job. I commend you for making good manners a priority in your family.
—Mrs. McVeigh
RELATED: Etiquette Lessons for Kids in Dallas-Fort Worth
This article was originally published in January 2024.
Top image: iStock
