After seven years of trying to become a mom—years that included losses, heartbreak and doubt—Martha Neibling gave herself a deadline. At age 45 she would give up, but not before saying one last prayer, a week before she hit that milestone.
And then, just like that, everything changed. Neibling got a call from an adoption agency that she’d been matched with a baby—a little girl who had just been born the day before. And by her birthday, she was holding her daughter, Grace, in her arms.
Neibling shares her story to give hope to other women for whom motherhood might not come easily. “Your path is not always what you imagine it would be,” she says. “But the unexpected and sometimes scary journey can turn out to be the most beautiful experience.”
Interview with Martha Neibling
DFWChild: It took a lot of time and tears for you to become a mom. Can you tell us about that journey?
Martha Neibling: I always knew in my heart that motherhood was something I wanted, and shortly before I hit 40—I think as many women do—I went, oh no, I have to make a decision on this. I was single, so I started actively looking at options and trying different things.
First, I learned I wasn’t able to have children on my own, and I had to go through the whole process of understanding and accepting that. Then I connected with an adoption agency; I got matched and then it failed. The mom decided she wanted to keep her baby.
Then my older sister offered to be a surrogate. She got pregnant with twins, and that was kind of mind-blowing because I went into this as a single mom in her 40s to get a baby—and then it was two. You’re doubling up on the spreadsheet, like double daycare, double cribs. Also it was so exciting to think I could have two children, because I always wanted like five or six. But then they miscarried right after the third month.
I turned to adoption again and we were waiting, waiting, waiting. And my sister said, ‘Let’s just try surrogacy again, one more time.’ So we tried it again and that time she got pregnant with a baby boy. But sadly he died when she was 7 months along.
DFWChild: That must have been devastating.
MN: Yes. I hadn’t told a lot of people that I was expecting a little boy because I was afraid. I didn’t do the three-month announcement, I waited until six months to start telling people because I was so fearful if I said anything something would happen. And then it did. I was so devastated and I started considering, is this what God wants? Because I want a baby so badly, but it just seems like every direction I go it’s not working, I can’t do it on my own, the adoption failed, surrogacy failed. I was heartbroken.
DFWChild: But you decided to try adoption again?
MN: I reconnected with Gladney [adoption agency] and it took a long time. The pandemic really slowed things down; it normally takes 12 to 15 months, and it ended up taking three years.
Usually, they pair you with the birth mom and you get to know her and have months to prepare, but they said about one percent of the time, there’s a “stork drop baby,” like a right-now baby. But they told me that it never really happens, don’t worry about it.
RELATED: Welcoming a Child Through Domestic Adoption
DFWChild: But that’s exactly what happened?
MN: Yes! Grace was born in January 2022, when we had that big ice storm in town. Everything was shut down. I had a big conference at the Gaylord and was there for meetings when I got a phone call. It’s Gladney and they said, ‘You just got matched and the baby was born yesterday. If you want her, she’s yours right now.’
DFWChild: That must have felt surreal.
MN: I kind of paused actually, which is weird after all that time. I was like, ‘Can I call you back?’ They were probably thinking, really? (laughs) But I was processing it. The last leg of this journey I had decided to not mess with the universe and just buy nothing. Not even one outfit, no diapers, nothing. Well, then I get a baby that I need to take immediately and I don’t have anything! Walmart was shut down, Target was shut down, Amazon wasn’t delivering. So I had these sweet friends meeting me on scary, icy roads and in parking lots to give me baby stuff that I needed.
“I would tell anyone considering adoption that adding a child to your family brings immense joy and purpose to your life.”
DFWChild: Tell us about meeting Grace.
MN: They take you into this little room—it looks like your grandma’s living room—and they sit you on a sofa and you’re just waiting for a door to open. It’s a weird feeling. And then the door opens and there’s just this little human. It took a minute for it to all set in. But gosh, the beauty in it. The second that you lay eyes on each other there’s just this soul connection. I really believe that she was created to be my daughter and I was created to be her mom.
DFWChild: Do you think there are misconceptions around adoption?
MN: Anything you can’t control in life is scary. It’s unknown territory and you go in with a lot of what ifs and questions. Are you going to get picked? Will it be the right match? You worry about the situation the child comes from—there are just a million things to think about. You really have to take your hands off which was hard for me, because I’m a planner. I think you have to be open-minded and trust in the process. Unfortunately, I think people tend to tell scary stories more than beautiful ones. And with adoption, people don’t talk enough about all the great things.
I would tell anyone considering adoption that adding a child to your family—whether it be your first or fifth—brings immense joy and purpose to your life. I cannot put into words how easily a child becomes yours. There can be hardships and obstacles with adoption. Every child comes with their own unique set of circumstances. The beauty in that is that through adoption, parents have the opportunity help their children overcome those obstacles so they can live healthy and happy lives.
DFWChild: How has motherhood surprised you?
MN: The amount of selflessness that just happens naturally. You go from taking care of yourself, doing the things you want, the things you need, and then without even knowing it just switches on you so quickly.
DFWChild: What would you tell a woman whose journey is similar to yours?
MN: I knew that motherhood was something I fiercely desired. I was of course worried about going into it single and with a demanding career, but I am so happy that I did not let those fears stop me. Sometimes people ask me how I juggle it all, but I think that I am doing what every mom does regardless of being single or married, working, or staying home, and having one kid or six kids. You just figure out how to balance.
We are fortunate that today, there are so many ways that women can become mothers including adoption, embryo adoption, IVF, etc. If you are struggling, talk with people in your life who have been there. Family and friends want to be there for you. Even if you feel alone in the process, which is completely natural to feel, you are not alone.
RELATED: 7 Ways to Support Someone Struggling with Infertility
Martha’s 5 Mom Faves
Cool products and local finds that make motherhood easier and more fun:
1. For Play Time
Neibling likes to keep it simple—a trip to grocery store with grandpa or to the pet store to look at critters can be just as much fun for Grace than an elaborate outing. But for dedicated playtime, PeeknPlay Grapevine an indoor playground for kids, is a local favorite.
“We come here and can spend a couple of hours exploring the different areas of pretend-play fun, Lego building, or the slide with a ball pit. I like that it is spacious and clean—and right next door to Grapevine Mills Mall if I want to add a shopping stop to our day!”
When the weather is nice, the pair loves Fritz Park, where Neibling says the petting zoo and pony rides are especially toddler friendly.
2. For Holiday Traditions
Christmas movie nights and a homemade hot cocoa bar among cherished holiday memories Neibling is making with Grace and her cousins. But Neibling works at the Gaylord Texan Resort, so of course the extravagant ICE! is part of the yearly fun.
“You can entertain your kids of all ages for days there,” she says. “In addition to the millions of holiday lights and decor, you can get photos with Santa, read stories with Mrs. Claus, build gingerbread houses, go snow tubing, ride a Christmas carousel, or experience the two-million-pound ice attraction which features Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer this year!”
3. Mom Hack
What’s always in Neibling’s purse? “Phone, wallet, diapers, lots of snacks and this handy phone clip from Amazon that you can clip onto anything if you need some temporary assistance while you are out.”
4. By My Bedside
The task of filling out a baby book can feel daunting, so Neibling keeps Grace’s five-year book, The Story of You, on her nightstand to fill out here and there, when a milestone happens or she has some extra time.
5. For Family Dining
Going out to eat is a little different with a toddler in tow. Neibling recommends Hat Creek Burger for a casual dinner with friends and littles. “The beauty of going there is they have clean outdoor playgrounds. You can sit on a bench by the playground to eat and chat while the kids are fully entertained in a safe, enclosed space,” she says.
RELATED: Kid-Friendly Restaurants in Dallas-Fort Worth
Top photo courtesy of LaLa Photography
