Let’s face it; your baby cries a lot more than you expected, right? Even a happy-go-lucky, non-colicky cherub has her moments of inexplicable fits. And, you’ve probably heard and/or tried everything at least once: holding, rocking, pacifiers, burp drops, white noise, swaddling, car riding, “comfort boob,” etc. Well, along comes Dr. Harvey Karp, Santa Monica pediatrician to the stars who has created a precise — if not counter-intuitive — approach to calming your baby with his book, The Happiest Baby on the Block.
“Crying babies contribute to breast-feeding issues, post partum depression, marital problems and shaken baby syndrome,” emphasizes Karp. “If you could turn it off in a minute, wouldn’t you?”
World According to Karp
There has been very little written about one of the longest standing medical mysteries on record — unexplainable infant crying (an estimated 25 percent of all infants cry more than three hours per day). Dr. Karp, who met with DallasChildBaby to share some of his strategies recently, spent 20 years studying infant calming techniques from ancient history and other cultures. He has become a cult-like figure with new parents and a modern-day Dr. Spock with his passion for revolutionizing the way we view wee ones.
His steely blue eyes light up as he poses the unthinkable; are we tiptoeing around our newborns with too much quiet? “The sounds in the uterus are twice as loud as a vacuum cleaner,” declares Karp. The trick to calming an infant in a minute or less requires you to recreate the noisy, jostling commotion of the womb, where newborns are continually “fed, shushed, jiggled and cuddled.” “Far from being over-stimulated, most babies are under-stimulated,” he claims.
The Missing Fourth Trimester
Enter the missing fourth trimester; in his book, through discussion about the process of human survival and ancient wisdom, Karp maintains that babies are born three months too soon (which is, ultimately, the cause of colic). “They have irregular breathing, tremors … and even need help to burp,” he says. “It is only after two or three months that babies begin to smile, coo and finally seem ready to be here.” They travel abruptly from the cozy womb to an empty room, where we leave our infants alone for up to 16 hours per day (according to U.S. studies). Our newborns must be thinking, “what a rip-off!” says Karp. It ends up making them “terribly upset.” He offers, “We should treat them like little kangaroos.”
Babies Have An “Off” Switch
Karp claims the calming reflex derives from a primitive reflex (or set of reflexes) that is used to sate fussy fetuses. During the final weeks of pregnancy, this instinctive response to the sensations of the uterus keeps fetuses “entranced” and in proper alignment for birth. “It is my belief that this precious reflex came about, not as a way of soothing upset infants, but as a way of soothing upset fetuses,” he expounds. Claims Karp, you can trigger the calming reflex or “off” switch by imitating the world of the womb.
The 5 “S’s”
OK, so the 5 S’s aren’t revolutionary — Karp readily admits it. However, they pack a calming punch when practiced together, vigorously, precisely and in order. 1) Swaddling. Baby must be wrapped tightly with arms down. 2) Side or stomach position. Flip baby over when awake. The back is safest for sleeping, but least effective for the calming routine. 3) Shushing. Turn up the volume of white noise or, quite literally, very loud, drawn-out “shhhh-ing” noise close to baby’s face. 4) Swinging. Get jiggy with it — rhythmic bouncing or swaying echoes the motion in the womb. 5) Sucking. As baby calms, offer the breast or pacifier.
For an easy-going baby, Karp recommends you choose from the arsenal of Ss. However, these techniques should be carried out sequentially and with gusto for a fussy baby. It’s what Karp’s patients have dubbed the “cuddle cure.” “The fastest way to succeed in stopping your baby’s cycle of crying is to meet his level of intensity,” says Karp. “The best colic-calmers say that soothing an infant is like dancing with him — but always let the baby lead.”
What About Toddlers?
The need to calm doesn’t end with babydom. Karp, an assistant professor of pediatrics at UCLA School of Medicine, recently released his second book, called The Happiest Toddler on the Block. In it, he effuses the same type of transformational, behavioral advice and jargon for your walking-talking babe.
Enter Karp-speak: For the first four years, think of your child as a “chimp” (12 to 18 months), “Neanderthal (18 to 24 months), “cave-kid” (24 to 36 months) or “villager” (36 to 48 months). Like shushing loudly with your newborn, Karp recommends grunting and shouting vociferously to tame tempers with your toddler, who has a primitive way of understanding language — much like his Stone Age ancestors.
Prehistoric Parenting
When someone is out of control, we often think of the phrase “going ape.” That’s exactly what Karp wants you to remember when dealing with a 2-year-old. Parents are more apt to use short, cryptic language when their child does something good, like after a first-time swoosh down the slide, we say, “Good boy, Good job!” It’s when our little one acts up that we pull out the logical, reasonable, but ineffective voice (i.e. “We don’t have cookies for breakfast, because it’s not healthy.”). According to Karp, the way you communicate with a toddler is more important than what you say. And, you need to squat down to their level and mirror your child’s tone with short, repetitive phrases. “You’re not mocking the child (or using baby talk); you’re translating the message into their less sophisticated language,” says Karp.
Have you ever heard the phrase “blind with anger?” Karp maintains that toddlers become “deaf with anger.” The madder they become, the more beneficial it is to keep your communication primitive. “You have to go into the jungle of their emotions and join them before you can lead them back,” he notes. Karp recommends parents use the skills of respect, diplomacy and hard-bargaining to guide and civilize their children, adding that praise, play and special communication can zap tantrums in less than a minute.
Fast-Food Rule
Karp calls this the No. 1 rule of good communication. And, it works with adults too. Quite simply, it means repeat the message you hear before you voice your thoughts (think fast-food drive-through when the cashier repeats your order back to you). “In conversations you have to take turns — and whoever is most upset goes first,” explains Karp. More often, toddlers in distress need us to deal with their messages first before we add our two cents. But, Karp cautions that you should skip the fast-food rule and proceed immediately to your message if the toddler is in danger, being aggressive or breaking a household rule.
Toddler-ese
According to Karp, a child’s primitive language has four characteristics: very short phrases, repetition, emphasis and gesturing. Are you going to resemble a chimpanzee yourself while speaking this new lingo? Yes, if you’re doing it properly. “These four steps break your communication into small, easy-to-understand pieces that allow your toddler’s stressed-out brain to realize you ‘get’ his message,” recommends Karp. “Repeat his words (or what you think he would say if he could), but also use your tone of voice and gestures to mirror his feelings.” During your child’s meltdown, employ the most simplistic toddler-ese. As she calms, you can return to the more mature language she understands. (Tip, practice toddler-ese at home before you demonstrate it in public, so you can get past the self-conscience element.)
The fast-food rule and toddler-ese might not always work in every tantrum situation. Karp offers other tips for dealing with outbursts, like ignoring, loss of privileges and time-out, as well.
“Gossiping”
Among many innovative tricks for encouraging good behavior, Karp recommends “gossiping” in front of your child. This allows you to slip nurturing messages through the “side-door” of your child’s mind. Basically, say something to your spouse, friend or even Teddy bear that you want your toddler to overhear. Just like adults, the more a toddler thinks he’s not supposed to hear a message, the more interested he’ll be in listening to it (and the more he will believe what’s said). Couple of tips for doing this: don’t look at your child while gossiping and make it appear as if you are telling the other person a secret.
Karp, who has been working on his toddler communication theories for more than 10 years (and cites “evolution” as the missing link in his book), engaged several families, as well as his patients, in trying the methods before publishing his work. By using toddler-ese, parents in the survey decreased tantrums by 50-90 percent.
Avoiding “Cry-sis”
The books are packed with research, anecdotal advice and step-by-step instructions (also check out the companion DVDs for demonstrations of the techniques). Karp also reveals juicy tidbits about colic, new parent survival, potty training, separation anxiety, sleep problems, picky eaters, biting and hitting, and sibling rivalry. However, if you’re in a time-crunch (like most parents), you can skip straight to Part Two of both tomes for down-and-dirty practical tips. For more information, visit www.thehappiestbaby.com.
