When “teen” gets tacked onto the end of a child’s age, he suddenly seems to develop another life altogether separate from the one he shares with mom and dad — meaning privacy, more than anything, becomes of utmost importance. “Teens are not kids anymore and it’s natural for them to separate themselves,” reveals Dr. Cathal Grant, chair of psychiatry at Harris Methodist Springwood Hospital in Bedford. “If parents don’t respect their [teen’s] privacy, they’ll revolt.”
So how do you know where to draw the line (or jump on it, or cross it full force) in relation to your teen’s private life? Dr. Susan Istre, a licensed professional counselor with the Center for Social Success in Dallas, says the key is in keeping your eyes open. “Parents should be healthy skeptics and assume their teen is doing something they shouldn’t,” she offers. “It’s their job to test boundaries and it’s a parent’s job to enforce them.”
Teens 13-14
- If your teen has been bunking with siblings, now is the time to rectify the situation. Teenagers need a space they can call their own and be allowed some privacy.
- Set up a routine of knocking on your teen’s bedroom door and wait for permission to enter before walking in — the key is to show respect for their space as you would expect them to do for you.
- If your teen has plans for an evening out, make sure to meet the others in the group, as well as their parents and clarify the details.
- Because the Internet has become such a huge portion of a teen’s social circle, it’s best to keep the computer in a central location like the living room or communal study, so you can keep an eye on activity.
- If there’s a TV in your teen’s room, you may want to consider removing it. Teenagers, by nature, become less social at home, and by keeping the TV out of the bedroom and in the family room will help foster more “together time.”
Teens 15-16
- It’s a good idea to “check in on your teen” from time to time by scanning e-mails, reviewing IM, Web-site and text-message histories, as well as breezing through their room. Telling your teen up front about possible “snoop sessions,” may stave off future fights.
- Don’t confront your teen with everything you find. If something serious needs to be addressed, approach the situation with concern, not blame and anger.
- Teen going out? Ask the standard, “Who? What? Where?” questions and reinforce the rules and curfew time.
- Coming home. Again, ask questions about how your teen’s evening went, but don’t make the conversation seem like an interrogation. If you push too much, they may shut down. Keep the lines of communication open.
- Staying In? Friends should be able to hang out in your teen’s room with the door shut, but they shouldn’t be allowed to hole up in total seclusion for extended periods of time.
Teens 17-18
- You need to be available to talk about all issues with your teen. Know the statistics on sex and drugs and be aware that, whether or not your teen participates, more often than not, he will at least be exposed to it.
- If your teen has a girl/boyfriend over, they should remain out of the bedroom and in the more high-traffic areas like the living room and kitchen.
If your teen abuses any of his privacy privileges, then a natural, logical consequence is removing the privileges that relate to the crime. But do give your teen the opportunity to try again and be successful.
