As the van door slammed shut, the anxiety became thick and clear. First day of school jitters are normal, but first day at a new school jitters are an entirely higher level of apprehension.
The 20-minute ride was quiet, reflective and filled with questions meant to do nothing more than to break the tension. Once at the school, every step towards the entrance seemed heavy. Once at the front door, my then-9-year-old grabbed his bag, gave me a hug and took a deep breath as he crossed the threshold. Wow, I thought to myself. Why am I the one so nervous today?
Ironically, despite my continuous reassurances for days leading up to this about everything working out and not worrying, here I was…worrying. A lot. Changing schools made my son a bit curious and a touch anxious about his first day. Yet somehow, I found myself pacing up and down my office praying the experience would not just go well, but spectacularly well.
After all, he had 179 more of these days ahead of him. Gulp.
All fear is relative. As a 40-something dad, there is no boogie man lingering in a dark alley that scares me. My son sitting alone at lunch? Yikes.
I seldom get nervous about much. I’m not just writing this to impress you (maybe a little; is it working?), but I only thought heights could shock my nerves. And this school was pretty darn close to sea level.
As the day went on, I wondered how he would be fitting in. I remembered changing schools myself when I was about his age and how breaking into a group who all knew each other well could be a challenge. Would a good friend emerge today? I worried some more.
All fear is relative. What terrifies us one day gets replaced by something more tangible and age-appropriate the next. As a 40-something dad, there is no boogie man lingering in a dark alley that scares me. My son sitting alone at lunch? Yikes.
It was then that it hit me—what was I so afraid of? Did I make my best friends at his age? No. They came in middle school and high school. And so many people make their best friends later in life. You can’t make old friends without time and here I was expecting him to have a lifelong buddy a few hours into meeting them.
A second moment of epiphany hit me: Did I ever even ask about what may make him feel anxious? Or did I just guess like I was frantically giving answers on a game show?
When he got home, I asked him about anything he had concerns about. I mentioned how hard it was for me when I moved across town at his age and had to brave a whole new academic world.
We talked. And talked. And talked. As it turns out, he did have a fear about Day One.
“I think my snack was too small,” he admitted. Step aside, boogie man. Dad cheaped out with the economy sized chip bag. Bone-chilling stuff, I know.
And as for the other kids? “They seem nice,” he said. “What comes next?”
“Well, Day Two,” I said. “…and a bigger snack, I promise. But you got this. And hey, no worries.”
That goes for you, too, Dad.
Josh Farnsworth is a national-award-winning parenting columnist who lives with his wife and two goofball sons. You can reach him for column ideas at josh.farnsworth@yahoo.com.
