Ju’Riese Colón is the Chief Executive Officer of the U.S. Center for SafeSport, which offers resources to help parents and guardians understand and recognize signs of inappropriate behavior on and off the field.
Consider these scenarios: A coach gives an athlete a special gift. An adult volunteer treats a young athlete like a peer. Or an assistant coach repeatedly offers to give an athlete a ride home. On the surface, these actions might appear kind, supportive and helpful. But actions like these may be the groundwork for grooming. When it comes to grooming, the line between a caring adult and one grooming your child for abuse can appear blurred. Let’s talk about what you should be aware of.
What is grooming?
Grooming is when someone engages in a series of manipulative behaviors with the goal of sexually abusing a child. These behaviors are directed at a child but can also be focused on the child’s family and even the broader community. Abusers often focus on children who are isolated or vulnerable, and younger children and children with disabilities face increased risk of grooming. Identifying warning signs early can help you stop grooming before it leads to abuse.
It is important to recognize that the coach-athlete relationship is complex. Defined by a balance of trust and power, this relationship is often integral to athletes’ success. Many coaches are dedicated and passionate, often going the extra mile to support athletes. But it’s important for parents to take notice when an adult:
• Is overly interested in being alone with a child
• Gives privileges to a child that no one else on the team receives
• Becomes manipulative or insists on physical contact with a child (such as hugging or tickling)
Take the example of a soccer coach who repeatedly offers to work one-on-one with an athlete after practice. Or the instance of an adult volunteer who secretly communicates with a teen athlete by text. These unsupervised interactions could be a precursor to more dangerous encounters in the future.
By understanding grooming behaviors and how grooming works, you are more empowered to respond to it when you witness it.
If you notice one of these four behaviors, it’s time to do something:
1) Using trust-building actions. Pay attention if a coach engages you and your child to build trust beyond their role in sport by offering special treatment, opportunities or gifts.
2) Isolating your child. Does a coach find ways to isolate your child by setting up ways to be alone with them or interfering in relationships with their friends or family?
3) Testing boundaries. Be mindful if a coach tests the boundaries of the adult-child relationship by blurring the line between appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.
4) Sexualizing interactions. Notice if a coach pushes sexual boundaries and introduces sexual topics and actions, behavior which is often also defined as sexual abuse.
Be open with your child too. Talk with them about any behaviors that have made them uncomfortable, about setting boundaries for themselves and respecting those of others. And explain who is allowed to help them with tasks that involve their private body parts.
Most importantly, tell your child they can tell you or another trusted adult if something is wrong, that you will always believe them, and that they should never keep secrets from you.
Sport settings should make athletes feel safe, respected and inspired to fulfill their potential. If you want to learn more about how to identify grooming behavior or report it, the U.S. Center for SafeSport offers a helpful guide. The national nonprofit provides resources to help parents, guardians and coaches foster safe, supportive environments for all participants, along with resources to help you recognize, prevent and respond to abuse in sports. Learn more at uscenterforsafesport.org.
Top image: iStock
