After school one day while waiting for my kids, I happened to get into a discussion with another mom of a child with special needs. I told her how pick-up time is my least favorite part of the day. It’s not just because it means the house will suddenly become crazy with noise and chaos, although that surely does play into it. No, the real reason is because I sit there with a horrible pit in my stomach, waiting to see if my son Jay had a good day or a crappy day.
The teacher coming out to talk to me? Well, that usually indicates crappy.
The mother I was talking to shook her head in agreement. She understood in a way that only another mom of a child with special needs possibly could.
Then it dawned on me: Waiting for Jay at the end of the day is a lot like playing craps. Now I’m not a big gambler, so I apologize in advance if I get some of the details wrong, but from what I know about the game, there are many similarities. Here’s what I mean.
The craps table can be a confusing place for the newcomer, with so many betting spaces, a complicated layout, the fast pace, loud noise, bright lights and a language all its own. Hmm … sounds a bit like the world of special needs, doesn’t it? Getting a diagnosis, referrals to specialists, dealing with insurance companies, IEPs, teacher conferences, occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech therapists … not to mention your child.
There is something called casino craps etiquette. It is a rules book, so to speak, filled with do’s and don’ts of the game. Kind of like a Social Story, but for big kids with money to throw away. And so many of these rules would work for our kids – with just a few modifications, of course.
Do know and follow the rules of the game … Do know and follow the rules of the class.
Don’t lean on the table … Don’t lean on anyone.
Don’t criticize or comment on any bets made by other players, even if you know they are unwise or just plain stupid … Don’t criticize or comment on any remarks the teacher says, even if you know they are unwise or just plain stupid.
Do tip your dealer … Do tip the teacher. (Hey, bribery goes a loooong way!)
The first roll of the dice is called the come-out roll. Everyone else sits around waiting. Well, that’s me, sitting there waiting for Jay to come out of school so I can see if his day was a “7” or if he crapped out.
When all bets are down, the shooter rolls the dice across the table so that it hits the wall on the opposite end. I wait to see if Jay hits any walls throughout his day, and if he did – odds are that he will – how big of a hole did it leave?
Knowing the mathematical odds of the possible outcomes of a roll of the dice is the essence of the game. Gamers need to analyze their odds. Moms of kids with special needs do this all the time.
“Let’s see, he had a good night’s sleep, no problems getting ready for school, he ate a good breakfast, he actually smiled and kissed me goodbye when I dropped him off. The odds would seem to favor that he would have a great day … ”
But unfortunately, craps, like life in general, doesn’t always work that way. Thus the root word for the casino game: CRAP!
If it was a good day, there is a payoff. It might not be a stack of chips. But our rewards are better: a smile, a hug or even the pride he has in getting a happy-face sticker. These are the things that keep us coming back to the table to play some more.
Now if I can just find a joint that offers free cocktails while we play our special-needs game, I’d be set!
