Do you update your Facebook status after every diaper change? Or write on a mommy-friend’s MySpace wall in order to coordinate your next playdate? You are not alone. Parent-to-parent social interaction has gone high tech, flooding social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn and Twitter, to name a few.
In fact, the number of adult Internet users (ages 18-65) with a profile on an online social network site has more than quadrupled in the past four years — from 8 percent in 2005 to 35 percent in 2008, according to the Pew Internet and American Life Project’s 2008 national survey. Amanda Lenhart, senior research specialist at the Washington D.C.-based Pew Research Center, says the study revealed that parents are slightly more inclined to use the sites than adults without children.
A January poll of DallasChild readers echoes the nationwide popularity of online social networking among parents. Several respondents deemed themselves “Facebook addicts,” while others went so far as to “friend” DallasChild staffers. The response begged us to examine what’s behind the popularity of this technology. And, what impact does online socialization have on moms and dads?
You’ve Got Friends
Once a Web-based network for college students, Facebook opened its registration to the general public in 2006, catapulting the site’s visitation to approximately 150 million active users in 2009, according to the social networking company. In the Pew Internet and American Life survey, 39 percent of online adults are parents, compared to 33 percent who are without kids, says Lenhart. Thirty-four percent of DallasChild readers spend about one hour per day on Facebook (or other social networking sites), according to a DallasChild.com poll.
On the Web site, registered users share personal information, including photos, chat conversations, videos and more, with other members whom they add to a “friend” list. Parents post family photos, political musings or rants and raves about recent experiences, seeking feedback and comments from others.
North Texas mom of three Eryn Hall says she spends about five minutes per day updating her Facebook profile, as well as her Twitter homepage. “In a way, being a part of an online social network gives me a chance to be myself amidst the demands of motherhood,” she reveals. “For just a few minutes a day, I can express myself by updating my Facebook status, have an instant message ‘adult’ conversation with friends or upload photos on my online ‘brag book.’”
Alicia Duncan, a Dallas mom of one, says she spends about two hours per day on Facebook, depending on her family’s schedule. “[On Facebook], I can find other mommies in my area to connect with for playdates. It’s really great to find someone on Facebook that I went to elementary or junior high with and now my son is playing with their child and/or children,” Duncan says.
Easily Accessible Support, Competition
At-home dialogues between parents on the Web spur the development of two new, technologically enhanced situations: a 24-hour support network, as well as the probability of intense competition between parents who share around-the-clock updates on their child’s developments.
“Web sites like Facebook provide an easy way for moms to connect with other moms and receive a level of social support and validation as a parent,” explains Dr. Ann Dunnewold, a Dallas psychologist who specializes in women’s mental health.
The social connection between Facebook moms may go so far as to offer critical support for parents struggling with depression. Shelia McComas, leader of a postpartum depression support group that meets once a month in Richardson, finds that many moms socialize with others on the Web as a way to communicate and deal with difficult parenting situations. “Some moms are too embarrassed or afraid to make a phone call or attend a meeting in person,” she explains.
Dunnewold agrees, “Research clearly states that social interaction with people going through the same situation as yourself is a very valuable coping mechanism. In this situation, moms can access this support in their own free time, from their own home. [Facebook] allows moms to reconnect and feel more grounded and less isolated. Moms can feel as though they are a part of a community.”
But, notes Dunnewold, the constant online communication may introduce feelings of competition and jealousy into a parent’s online interaction if he or she doesn’t know where to draw the line. “Parents may find themselves competing with others on non-anonymous social Web sites, like Facebook. For instance, if you read that someone else’s baby is reading at age 3, you might feel a pang of jealousy,” she explains. These thoughts only add to the already stressful mindset of moms, says Dunnewold, who advises parents in this situation to simply remove these parents from your network.
How Much Is Too Much?
While Dunnewold concedes that online interaction can be therapeutic for some moms, she notes that overuse of social networking sites may cut down on face-to-face socialization that is key to managing stress — and may cut into important time with kids.
“We know that there are actual biochemical changes in brain hormones, in stress hormones and in the immune system that happen when we spend time with people who support us,” Dunnewold says. “These biochemical changes help us handle stress. These changes aren’t likely to occur if a mom is just talking to people on Facebook. Time on Facebook should not substitute for or replace daily contact with others.”
So how do self-described “Facebook addicts” balance real life and the World Wide Web? Dorsha Blackburn, Dallas mom of 17-month-old Zoe, says she can see how some parents may be tempted to spend an excessive amount of time on Web sites like Facebook. “It’s addicting,” she admits, saying she spends about two hours per day on the site.
But Blackburn says she is careful to not let Facebook conflict with her duties as a mom. “The house has been neglected at times, but never my daughter,” she says. “I often get on the computer while my daughter sleeps, but if she wakes up crying I will stop what I’m doing in order to tend to her. In this situation, it’s much easier to step away from the computer to handle business than put down the phone.”
Plano mom of two Bobbi Sheahan compares Facebook time to TV time, stating that she sets an example for her kids when she limits her time online. “Screen time should never take the place of being with your children,” she adds. However, sometimes the two combine: “The other day, a friend of mine posted a YouTube video on Facebook that I shared with my kids — it had the whole family laughing,” she recalls. “At the end of the day, [Facebook] is a great forum to meet and talk with other moms, but real life is way more interesting.”
