My best holiday present ever? That’s easy. Mattel’s handheld football game. Small, blinking dashes. No passing. Just one little dash running for its life. It was awesome. I played it so often the paint on the buttons was a distant memory by February.
But, like most things in my life since becoming a dad, the holidays are no longer about me. Then again, sometimes, it really is about me. This year’s decision will definitely impact my life: Do I buy the kids a dog or a cell phone?
The way I see it, it’s the proverbial lose-lose decision. The kids desperately want a puppy to love, hug and ignore every time he gets sick, hungry or needs to relieve himself. They also want a cell phone to love, hide under their covers with at night and use to text with their friends (who also, somehow, talked their parents into buying them cell phones).
When making any life-altering decision, a wise man once advised me to make a list of pros and cons. So here it goes:
[DOG]
Pros:
Home protection system
We’ll (I’ll) grow to love it
Great playmate for kids
Cons:
Will eat something I love
Will poop and pee everywhere
We (they) will dress it in embarrassing dog clothing
Must buy food, vet visits, etc.
[CELL PHONE]
Pros:
Security, sort of
Teach kids responsibility
Cool kids, cool parents
Cons:
When are they ever out of my sight to need one?
Others will know I spoil my kids
Oh, good, another monthly bill
OK, so a list didn’t really do the trick. It’s still a dead heat. And I still don’t want to buy either. Call me Scrooge, or even worse, if you must. I feel like I’m sitting between a rock and The Rock. Maybe I can just bribe my son with the nifty Lego Death Star. That might actually work.
It’s my daughter who’ll be the tougher sell. If only she adored American Girl or Barbie or even Hannah Montana. But, no, she’s focused on the dog and the cell phone—preferably both. But there’s a better chance of me winning a Nobel Peace Prize than her landing both this Christmas. Still, bribery won’t work with this one. I tried giving her my old BlackBerry, hoping she wouldn’t notice it was no longer activated. That lasted less than 35 seconds.
Being a good dad (read: sucker, easy, pushover), I’m going to have to pull the trigger on one of the two: dog or cell phone; cell phone or dog. My first inclination is to buy the plainest, most affordable phone I can get my hands on. In fact, I’d like to get her one of those prehistoric jobs with an antennae longer than your arm. But eBay’s fresh out.
Like death, taxes and Wade Phillips getting fired, a cell phone for the kids seems inevitable.
Rescuing a dog also makes sense. I grew up with a dog, a German shepherd. I loved that dog. Am I depriving my kids of the joy of a dog because I simply don’t want the hassle? Duh.
Obviously, I don’t have a clue. That’s why I’m asking for your help; I need you to decide for me and for my kids by voting Dog or Cell Phone at rklancnik@gmail.com. Unlike Afghanistan or New Jersey, this election is not rigged. Thanks in advance for your vote.
