How many of you work with people who describe themselves as Type A++? How often are these the people you want to eat lunch with or hang out with on the weekends?
Yeah, me neither.
Type A++ is code for obnoxious, self-promoting, egotistical, pain-in-the-rumpus maximus. Of course, these Type A++’s often do get ahead in the workplace no matter how evil they happen to be. Yeah, I hate that too. Nice guys and ladies often do get steamrolled by these Type A++ers. We tell our kids to play nice, be team players and treat others like you’d want to be treated. And then we go to work and observe just the opposite.
But while Type A++ is code for workplace bully, it’s by no means the only code that’s important to know these days. “Proactive” usually means someone who proactively kisses the boss’ bottom before you even roll into work. In sales, when a client says they’re not going to spend money with you this year and then says, “It’s not about you guys, it’s really our fault,” they actually mean it’s entirely your fault and never call me again or I’ll get a court injunction.
Code is everywhere. If someone says, “I don’t believe the polls,” their candidate is trailing in every poll known to man and has a snowball in hell’s chance of winning anything (see: Newt). If someone says, “Oh, that’s a very interesting name,” when you tell them what you’ve named your daughter, it means they think the name you’ve chosen will scar your child for life and they’re about to start laughing the moment you get out of range.
“This tastes interesting. What’s in it?” is never a great indication that the cook hit it out of the park with that recipe. “Interesting” is an interesting code word.
On the youth sports fields every weekend, you’ll hear plenty of code … “Your boy really hustled today.” This, of course, means he’s not very good and we’re happy he can run, chew gum and not hurt anyone in the process. “He’s a great team player.” See the aforementioned.
“She’s got a great personality.” Yes, she’s a woman of size and has a peg leg.
Then there’s the code that binds our cell phone-using kids. Just yesterday I found out that the ubiquitous “LOL” is about as cool as The Fonz to a 12-year-old girl with an iPhone. “Dad, no one uses that anymore. That’s just dorky.”
Thanks, honey. Love u 2.
Keeping pace with the code worlds of this preteen underworld is tougher than my mother-in-law’s meat loaf. Did you know “CD9” means parents are around? Did you know “CD8” became the new warning for parents being around when “CD9” became known by parents? Yeah, this ain’t easy.
Here’s what I do know and you should too:
MOS – Mom over shoulder
P911 – Parent emergency
PAW – Parents are watching
PIR – Parent in room
TDTM – Talk dirty to me
I haven’t seen any of these on my daughter’s phone, but rest assured if any do pop up, especially the last one, the phone will be smashed with an Easton aluminum bat and the boy on the other end will need witness protection.
Trouble is, I’m pretty sure that every one of these coded acronyms has been updated several times over. If you want to keep up with your kids and their constant text communication, you’ve got to learn their code. How else can you find out who’s got a crush on which knucklehead boy or which girl is stuck up? Riveting stuff, but it’s important to stay close to this captivating conversation or you might miss something much more essential. That’s why I’ve bookmarked teenchatdecoder.com and noslang.com. Both help you navigate the ever-changing code of your kids.
Yes, I know, it sounds like I’m a real Type A++. Not even close. I just would like to limit my surprises in the coming months to the new set of Calloway irons I’ve had my eye on since last summer. And that’s not code for anything.
Seriously, I need those clubs. ASAP.
GTG (got to go).
Rudy lives in Flower Mound, works in Fort Worth and plays everywhere in between. He has one wife, one daughter, one son, one published book, one obsession with sports and 20 million observations on marriage and children. Follow him on Twitter: Manifesto10.
