As we recognize National Breast Cancer Awareness Month this October, millions of Americans will don pink and walk 5Ks in the name of breast cancer awareness. As honorary chair for the 2013 Susan G. Komen Dallas County Race for the Cure, our longtime mom crush Pat Smith will be right alongside us, creating awareness for a cause close to her heart. Twenty years ago, Pat lost her mother to breast cancer, but she says it was just recently that she truly dealt with the devastation of her mother’s death. Today, Pat says she’s making it her mission to raise awareness, educate the masses and help others affected by breast cancer find healing.
We recently caught up with Pat, fresh off of filming a PSA with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, to dish on everything from life after loss to what she thinks we should all know about breast cancer awareness and prevention. Here are the highlights:
What did you know about breast cancer before your mother was diagnosed?
Very little. I remember when my sister said, “Mommy’s going to have surgery in the morning. We found out she has breast cancer.” To me, a 17-year-old girl, it was a death sentence. It was scary. I didn’t know if she was going to make it.
Your mother passed away five years later before you went on to compete for Miss USA where you placed first-runner up. How did you get through that?
It was hard. I almost quit because I just didn’t feel like I could compete. Everyone in my family said, “Your mother would want you to do this. Please don’t give up.” So I made it through the local [pageant] and won and went to Miss Virginia for Miss America and didn’t win, but I used breast cancer as my platform.
Then, there were a lot of people from the Miss Virginia America who said, “You know what, the Miss Virginia USA pageant is coming up in a few months. We feel like you have a really good chance to win.” I competed a couple times before and never won and I thought, “I’m just done.” I just felt like I had already had so much loss between losing my mother, which was the greatest loss, and then competing in Miss Virginia America and not winning. My sister said, “Just give it one more chance.” And I did and I won in October and used that platform at the Miss USA pageant to give more light to breast cancer awareness and the importance of early detection.
You’re outspoken about the role of faith in your life. What role did that play in helping you find healing?
My faith was nowhere near the place that it needed to be then. I grew up in a family that honored God and went to church, but I didn’t have a true relationship with the Lord until later.
My faith really helped me in this last year. When I was doing the Women of Faith tour last year, I kept struggling with my message. There was roadblock and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I just wasn’t connecting. It was during a prayer session with my prayer group that I realized that my real struggle was about the fact that when I lost my mother 20 years ago, I lost my voice. She was my comfort. She was my security blanket. And I never really dealt with that loss the right way.
It came full circle that day during the tour. I’ll never get over her loss, but I feel more power in the loss because I feel now that God is going to use that to bring a voice and a face to this cause. There are so many other children out there, so many spouses and family members, that are struggling just like me. It’s my hope that I can cause their pain to last a little less time than it did for me.
What would you like to say to those grieving for loved ones right now?
Face it for what it is. It’s a major loss. You’ve got to acknowledge how bad it hurts. If that means cry, kick, scream … do whatever you have to do. Go to counseling if you need it. Seek spiritual help and guidance if you need it so that you can move on. And find the ministry in the misery and use it as fuel to help someone else.
How can those on the outside help those affected by breast cancer?
Tell them that you’re there for them and be sincere about it. Create a safe environment for them to be able to share their feelings. If they need space, give them space. But if they need you, be there for them.
Tell me about taking on the breast cancer platform for your pageant 20 years ago and again today.
I took it on immediately [20 years ago] because I was right in the middle of the storm. When I moved to LA afterwards, I lost the connection because it hurt so badly and I was going through so many life struggles; to connect to that was just too painful for me. So after that revelation last year during Women of Faith, I was determined to make sure that I used my voice to bring power for healing and to raise dollars to find a cure. I wish I had enough sense to do this years ago. It’s so empowering to be able to take something that caused so much pain and turn it around to help other people. I don’t feel sadness. I feel joy and peace with what I’m doing.
What does being the honorary chair for the Dallas County Komen Race for the Cure mean to you? How did that come about?
They approached me and said, “Would you be interested in doing this?” There was no hesitation on my part. They didn’t even know it was the 20th anniversary of my mother’s loss, but I knew I wanted to lend my voice. The door opened and I immediately said yes. The timing was perfect.
What do you want our readers to know about breast cancer?
They need to know that men also get breast cancer. A lot of people don’t recognize that, so I think that’s important. The importance of early detection is critical. When my mother battled this, it was 25 years ago that she was first detected. So many women now are survivors, so there’s hope. I think that it’s important for them to surround themselves with loving, positive people. [My husband] Emmitt’s sister, who I call my sister-in-love, has been fighting it for the last two years and she said one of the things – outside of her faith – that helped get her through is having all of our support around her.
I think it’s important for people to love on these women and men who are struggling and to love on their children. The kids are not the direct victims, but they’re indirectly affected. As you can see with me, it can be a lifelong fight. We need to embrace them through this journey.
How would you suggest we talk to children affected by breast cancer?
I think you have to be very open and involve them in the process. One of the wonderful things my sister-in-love did was that she allowed her kids to go to treatment with her. Many of the facilities now have a kid’s area where there are books about [cancer and treatment], so it’s not so frightening and taboo. I think it’s important to bring them in the fold; it’s their reality. And I think it takes away the fear factor for them. Not that they’re not going to be scared, but at least they’re a part of that process. And allow kids to talk to other kids whose moms and dads have survived. They can give them hope and offer support and encouragement.
The 2013 Susan G. Komen Dallas County Race for the Cure is scheduled for October 19. For more information on how to get involved, visit komen-dallas.org.
Published October 2013
