I’ve never understood botany. In fact, after two weeks and one exam in college, I dropped my one and only botany class. Good thing, too, since an F never looks good on the transcript. I’ve also never understood calculus, stats or about 99 percent of the poetry class I took. (I was all over Edgar Allan Poe!)
My so-so GPA notwithstanding, there are tons of stuff I’ve just never understood outside the walls of the classroom. For instance, I’ve never really understood:
Why people don’t talk more about politics or religion at parties. Aren’t those two topics the most interesting and most important topics one could openly discuss? Instead, guys talk about why the Cowboys haven’t been relevant since Jimmy left, and the ladies talk about whichever ladies aren’t at the party.
Why they never made Top Gun 2, with Maverick coming back as the sage instructor until he suddenly is foisted back into the cockpit to face down the dastardly Iranian Air Force.
Why so many people are intoxicated by sushi. People who adore sushi, I believe, really just adore talking about how much they adore sushi. Sort of like the guy who always talks about how cool it is watching Formula 1 racing so it makes him sound oh-so-sophisticated.
Why they made Caddyshack II.
Why 820 and I-35 is the worst interchange in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Take it from someone who lived in Los Angeles and spent most of my time there sitting in traffic on the infamous 405 – DFW can be very proud of this bottleneck. Stay away. Far away.
Why Hardcore Pawn is so hypnotizing. Every time one of the Gold clan kicks someone out of the store, Detroit gets another punch in the gut. Yet I just can’t turn away.
Why stay-at-home moms hate working moms and vice versa. It’s not the Bloods and the Crips just yet, but these two clashing mom groups will tell anyone within earshot why the other side is doing it all wrong.
I don’t understand why single moms don’t get a medal. Or single dads for that matter.
I also don’t understand …
Why every wireless store is packed with folks who look like they can’t pay rent, but they can pay for another bejeweled case for their iPhone 5.
Why people adore drinking, talking and standing in line and overpaying for coffee.
Why parents pay for pitching coaches for their 8-year-olds.
Why talking about politics and religion is OK (and so rampant) on Facebook but not at parties.
Why so many people don’t know they’re holding up everyone behind them when they’re parked at the drink station at Corner Bakery (or Jason’s Deli, McAlister’s, Panera Bread, McKinley’s, etc.)
Why people in these parts take so much pride in bashing In-N-Out Burger. Seriously, why all the haters? I get it that you don’t think much of the fries, but the double-double animal style is solid.
I don’t understand why the Rangers lost Game 6. Heck, I’m not even a huge Rangers fan, but losing Game 6 to the Cardinals left an indelible mark on me as a baseball fan. Not sure they’ll ever get over it. I also don’t understand . . .
Why sports fans would ever leave a game before it’s over.
Why I always end up driving right behind a lawn truck loaded with 35 rakes, six ladders, a half-dozen mowers and other sharp objects that are liable to fly through my windshield at the next bump on the highway.
Why dressing up must include a tie. I’d prefer if we made the fedora mandatory but eliminated the tie.
Why big earphones are so popular. They’ve made the actual music-making machine tiny but now it’s cool to wear colorful and expensive earphones?
Why kernel corn is awesome yet peas are a waste of my time.
Why Rocky III gets so often overlooked as the best Rocky movie. By far the most realistic, had the best theme song (Eye of the Tiger) and introduced America to the super-cool Mr. T Mohawk.
Why some boys throw and catch as if their dads never ventured into the back yard with them.
So yes, I don’t understand much. That’s why Google exists, right?
Rudy lives in Flower Mound, works in Fort Worth and plays everywhere in between. He has one wife, one daughter, one son, one published book, one obsession with sports and 20 million observations on marriage and children. Follow him on Twitter: Manifesto10.