Let’s face it: We all put way too much pressure on ourselves. And 96.7 percent of the time, there’s just no reason for it. We sweat the big stuff, the little stuff and every piece of stuff in between. Why else would massage therapists all be driving around in new Audis?
And while I can’t do a thing about all this nutty worry, concern and anxiety that we all deal with day in and day out, I can assuage some of the pressure for you parents. As a father of two kids, ages 15 and 10, I’ve been freaking out for exactly 15 years and 10 months now. But with all that fret comes some good news for those of you who are new to parenting: I know what you can stop worrying about right this minute thanks to the luxury of experience. It could save you some blood pressure points and dollar bills. (Sorry, rich massage therapist with your healing stones, fake waterfalls and soothing music.)
So, stop sweating about…
What Color to Paint the Baby’s Room
Why in the heck would anyone in her right mind worry about this and ruin the most special day of her life by finding out the gender of her baby weeks before labor day? I’ve never gotten this one. Your newborn sleeps next to you for the first few weeks anyway, since you’re so paranoid that he or she might stop breathing. You’ve got plenty of time to go to Lowe’s and buy blue or pink paint.
Sanitizing Everything That Goes Into Your Little One’s Mouth
Watching new parents deal with the pacifier that’s fallen to the floor is funnier than the Justin Bieber Roast. (OK, maybe not quite that funny.) They pull out the hand wipes or spray and wash it as if they’re going into surgery. Look, the five-second rule applies at all times. Germs are good for the little folks. Makes them sturdy.
To Redshirt or Not to Redshirt
What’s that mean? Redshirting is the practice of holding a child back from starting school so he’s among the oldest in his grade. Translation: They are bigger and thus can dominate the playground. So much thought and debate goes into this decision that it might be the current biggest worry for the kindergarten-age set. Since 99.9 percent of kindergartners won’t play pro ball — and that’s what this is all about anyway — who cares when you send them?
Getting Them Into the Best Preschool Possible
Waiting lists, fights with admissions boards and arguments at home. Oh, what fun it is to get your 4-year-old into the perfect preschool. You know what? Unless the alternative is sending them to a gulag in Russia, don’t sweat it so much. It’s been my experience that kids pop out the way they pop out. I love to read. My kids don’t. Yet, they still magically make decent grades and are good kids. I like to write. My kids don’t. Yet, they still magically get A’s in English. Weird, right? Just chill on the preschool scuffle.
Playing Beethoven for Them in the Womb
OK, just quit that. And don’t read poetry to them before they hatch either. It makes you look and sound ridiculous, and there’s no way that’s going to matter in 15 years when they ask for money to see Nicki Minaj at the AAC anyway.
Making the Right Friends in First Grade
Quick, how many friends do you have today that you had in first grade? Yeah, me neither. Don’t worry so much about the friend stuff right off the bat. Sure, when they reach high school you don’t want them hanging around Charles Manson types. But for the first several years, just let them find kids that they like. They will make good choices, I promise.
Trying Out for the Premier-Super-Select-Elite Team Before Their Seventh Birthday
Did you know Drew Brees didn’t play organized football until he reached high school? Did you know that Drew Brees is one of the NFL’s best quarterbacks? I admit that select sports are here to stay, and playing a lot of games for good coaches does make a difference. But. Not. At. Six. Years. Old. There’s plenty of time for you guys to waste hours of your weekend sitting at dusty baseball fields while your friends are relaxing at Blue Goose, laughing the afternoon away. So save your weekends until they reach at least the age of 10, OK?
Protecting Them From Bad Words
Quit going crazy every time someone cusses in public around your precious little one. Here’s a newsflash: They’re going to hear cuss words in junior high. They’re going to actually say cuss words someday too. It doesn’t mean they’re horrible little demons; it just means they’re human. Let them grow and become the good people you’re raising them to be.
Feeding Them Gluten-free Meals or Turning Them Into Vegetarians
A chicken finger or grilled cheese every once in a while tastes yummy. Just remember that too much of anything is a bad thing, so chill the heck out with the food choices for your kids and enjoy an ice cream sandwich with them.
Rudy lives in Flower Mound, sells stuff to make the house payment, spends weekends on dusty ballfields and recently had a GPS chip attached to his daughter. Follow him on Twitter: @Manifesto10
Published May 2015
