Elise McVeigh writes a monthly manners advice column for DFWChild. If you have any etiquette questions, email them to mrsmcveighsmanners@gmail.com and she might answer them in her next column. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I have a son who is overall a really good kid, however, he has a really bad habit of interrupting me and my husband when we are talking. Talking to one another; talking to other adults and talking on the phone. I have tried a lot of different ways to help stop it. At first I nicely pointed it out to him. After several times, I told him he would have a consequence. Even after giving him a consequence (each time), it does not seem to work. At this point my husband and I are extremely frustrated and do not know what to do.
Is this a typical problem for young children, or is it just our child? Do you have any suggestions for me, other than what I have mentioned?
Sincerely,
—Sick of Being Interrupted Mom
Dear Sick of Being Interrupted Mom,
This is a very typical problem for young children (and a lot of adults who I know). We had this problem with our children. I have three sons close in age. On the nights that we were all home at dinner time, we would sit down at the dinner table as a family. Once we forced them to the table, they were all so talkative that they would want their turn to speak and would interrupt the person talking. When we would point it out to them, their excuse was always that they did not realize that the person was not done talking. To solve this problem, we asked them to count to five in their head when they think that another person is finished speaking. This way they are sure that the person is not just taking a breath and is really done speaking. This idea really worked for us.
Another suggestion is to implement some kind of reward system. Make a list with your son of all of the things that he needs to work on. It can be about specific manners—to read more, clean his room, or whatever you think would be good manners. The two of you then can create a visual list or chart and put it somewhere that everyone in the family can see. Then tell him you would like to “catch him” doing these things, or he can even point them out to you. You will keep track of them for a reward. It could be based on a day, a week or month. After the allotted time frame, you add up the points, and a certain number of points means a certain reward. Make sure he buys into the reward.
Another idea is to role-play. Tell him that you are pretending that he has something important to tell you. You are speaking to another adult. How should he handle that? Then have a pretend conversation with another adult and see if he can hold his question until you are done.
As for interrupting you on the phone, that is another common issue for children. I would add this to the chart, and/or do a role-play on this. You have to make it clear that unless you see blood gushing (or whatever extreme circumstance that you want to give to make your point), then there are not many more reasons for him to interrupt you.
In my classes, when I am covering the topic of telephone manners, I ask a child to be my assistant. I then tell them that they are my mom or dad and are on the phone and we have a pretend phone conversation. As soon as they start talking, I tap them on the shoulder and say, “Mom! Mom!” (Or “Dad! “Dad!) They typically start to laugh and say, “I am on the phone!” I then continue as their child with my question or comment.
After the role-play is done, I ask the student if they were able to focus on the conversation that they were having. They say no, and I tell the class that this is what their adult feels like when they are interrupted on the phone. It is a fun way to make your point.
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