Elise McVeigh writes a monthly manners advice column for DFWChild. If you have any etiquette questions, email them to mrsmcveighsmanners@gmail.com and she might answer them in her next column. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.
Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
My daughter has been getting asked on a lot of playdates. We teach basic etiquette at home, but do you have any tips specifically for when she is a guest in someone’s house? When I pick her up from playdates, the parents always say she is well-behaved, but I worry about certain things. For example, does she need to ask permission to get a snack? Or what other things should she be asking permission for? And what happens if the friend’s household has different rules than my household? How do I explain that to her? Thank you for any advice and guidance that you can give me.
Sincerely,
—Worried Mom for Playdates
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Dear Worried Mom for Playdates,
Thank you for this question. Being a good guest and good host is a lesson that we love to teach at Mrs. McVeigh’s Manners. So many children (and adults) seem to struggle with the etiquette of being a guest and host in the home. Here are the tips we give the kids, laid out in a simple way to relay it to your child.
When a guest visits your house, you are called the host. After greeting your guest at the door and saying hello to one another, ask your guest these three questions:
• “Would you like to come in?”
• “Would you like to have a seat?”
• “Would you like something to drink?”
As a host:
• Putting a snack out for when they arrive is a nice thing to do. Never eat or drink in front of your guest without also offering your guest whatever you are eating.
• Always put any food you are offering in a bowl or on a plate.
• If you want to invite your guest to stay for dinner, you must ask your mom or dad in private first.
• Unless you have already agreed that the guest can stay for dinner, do not ask your mom or dad what is for dinner in front of your guest.
• Ask your guest what they would like to play with and take turns.
• Always walk the guest to the door. It doesn’t matter what you are doing. Stop playing or pause your video game or TV show, and walk them all the way to the door.
When you’re a guest at someone’s house, there are similar rules to remember.
Entering, as a guest:
• Knock or ring the doorbell only once.
• Do not look in the window as you wait for the host to answer the door. Wait patiently for them to answer the door.
• Never barge in the house, even if the door is unlocked.
• Wait to be told where to go. Even if it is your best friend’s house and you are there all the time, never wander around unless you are invited to go there.
• Try to take turns playing with toys with your friends or choosing what to do.
Food, as a guest:
• If you’re thirsty, only ask for water. Never ask for food or other drinks, and definitely do not look to see what food they have.
• Only eat if you’re offered something. Do not ask to stay for dinner.
• You may be tempted to eat something at a friend’s house that you’re not allowed to at home. But it’s wise to follow the same rules you follow at your own house. This includes food, drinks, watching certain videos, movies or shows, and playing video games.
Before leaving someone’s house, as a guest:
• Offer to help clean up any areas you may have been playing in.
• Say “thank you” to your friend and their parents or family.
• Stay gracious, and do not whine when it’s time to go home.
All of these guidelines should make your child feel more comfortable when going on a playdate or hosting a friend in your home. The fun part of the lesson is role-playing being a good guest and host. Kids love pretending, and this will give them—and you—confidence that they will have good manners in a guest and host situation.
—Mrs. McVeigh
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