How Do I Play With My Baby?

The internet is filled with awful parenting advice, but recently I came across one parent’s video I wish I could package up in a time machine and send back to my first-time-mom self as she sits in a rocking chair with a perfectly content 6-week-old baby and reads a book to her (yes, I know) while crying.

The advice is simple: “You don’t need to make a happy baby happier.” Part of the reason this mom is crying is because she’s sleep deprived, and that’s a whole other topic. But the other reason is because she doesn’t know what to do with her baby when the baby is not eating or crying, but she feels like she should be doing something.

New moms spend a ton of time learning about pregnancy, childbirth and sometimes even about what to do with the baby after they’re born. But there’s an unspoken expectation that the best of all possible worlds is one where we are with them all the time, guiding every moment, leading each interaction. It puts a lot of pressure on first-time and even experienced new moms. We have to eat, shower, sleep and care for other kids, too, and we automatically feel awful about every minute we aren’t spending with our baby.

“When a baby is playing, they’re developing cognitive skills, they’re understanding the world, they are solving problems.”

So talking about the need for babies to play starting in infancy can feel like another thing on the to-do list, another way I’m not getting this right. “We have become a culture where we think that we have to be there all the time,” says Dr. Debbie Rhea, a professor in kinesiology and Associate Dean of Research and Health Sciences at Texas Christian University. She’s also the creator and director of the LiiNK Center for Healthy Play. She says babies need less help than we think, especially when it comes to play.

RELATED: The Power of Unstructured Playtime

Why Do Babies Need to Play?

Babies may not need us to constantly entertain them, but they do need the chance to explore, reach, look, and listen, because play is how it all begins. It doesn’t always have to be something we lead; it happens naturally when we give them space to discover and delight in their surroundings.

“Play is how babies learn to be human,” says Adriana Baird, program director of Play with Me, an outreach program of the Center for Children and Families at University of Texas at Dallas. “When a baby is playing, they’re developing cognitive skills, they’re understanding the world, they are solving problems. Play helps with memory. Play is the natural language of the child.” Her entire program revolves around fostering strong parent-child relationships and children’s healthy development through semi-structured play sessions.

How to Play With Your Baby Under 3 Months Old

Follow Baby’s Lead

Some advice that made life easier with my second and third babies was the idea of the “fourth trimester” and that babies generally hate life outside the womb and just want to be as comfy as possible. So I ditched all my ideas (and everyone else’s) about what we needed to be doing and followed baby’s lead on eating, napping and being awake. That’s sound advice, says Baird, who is also a licensed professional counselor and infant mental health mentor.

She says from 0–3 months, babies don’t need much from us other than our presence: “With [young] babies it’s about talking soft, establishing eye contact during alert time, gentle touch and responding to baby’s cues.” This can look like talking to baby while feeding, bathing or changing them, and having a caregiver hold and soothe them. “Those basic experiences will help the child build the foundation for attachment and social security, attachment and emotional security.”

Hang a Mobile Over the Crib

In fact, one of the few things you can do for cognitive development early on is one of the simplest, says Rhea. “One of the best things you can have is that mobile in their crib or even above their bed. That is huge for eye coordination, dexterity, and helping with brain and cognition development.” As their vision develops, high-contrast patterns and movement help develop head and eye tracking.

Take a Walk Outdoors

Another beneficial thing you can do at this early stage is go for a walk outdoors. Morning and evening walks help reinforce circadian rhythms, which can help with sleep in newborns, but nature also provides lots of gentle stimulation, allowing baby to take in movement, sounds and smells. Outdoor walks have benefits whether baby is in a stroller, sling or carrier, says Rhea. “When parents are outside with their children during this time, parents are also less stressed. So there’s a really nice bonding between parent and child with the outdoors, relaxing both of them at the same time.”

RELATED: Nature Play: The Benefits of Nature Preschools

More Easy Ways to Play with Infants:

• Hold a toy in front of baby, allow them to look at and reach for it
• Sing songs
• Talk to them
• Move their arms and legs gently
• Use their name
• Walk outside with baby in a stroller or sling

How to Play With a 3 to 6-Month-Old Baby

Create a Safe Corner with Toys

Between 3 and 6 months, babies need to start working on the muscles that can help support sitting and eventually crawling. These muscles can also help support digestion, which is why many colicky babies stop having excess gas and the crying spells that go with it around the same time they start sitting.

By now, they can see a little farther, are discovering their hands and feet, and are developing the coordination to grasp objects. This is a great time to create a little corner for baby with a few items they can safely grab or chew on and let them hang out and explore. It could be an area fenced off with a baby gate, a Pack ‘n Play, or another space. That’s really all they need, says Baird.

Tummy Time to Build Muscles

“They’re smiling, they’re cooing, they are exploring with their hands and their feet. So play is more like tummy time, helping them develop the strength of the core muscles and the neck muscles so they can later turn around, sit on their own and that kind of thing.”

Play gyms that offer little hanging toys or mirrors so baby can see themselves while on their back are great, but not essential. You could just move your crib mobile and use that. Mainly at this age they need to have the opportunity to move their bodies and learn what happens when they do.

Read Baby’s Cues

Most importantly, they don’t need any outside input, says Baird, even if it looks like there’s not a lot going on. “It’s more about reading the baby’s cues, making sure that the baby’s content. If baby is observing or resting, that’s also part of healthy play in development.”

More Easy Ways to Play with Baby 3–6 Months:

• Outside time on a blanket
• Sing rhymes and songs that use actions, like a kiss, poke, or other touch
• Basket with toys they can explore
• Water play outside or in the bath
• Suspended toys that baby can reach for

How to Play With a 6 to 12-Month-Old Baby

Cause-and-Effect Games

Once we reach 6 to 12 months, babies are crawling and pulling up. They are more social, reacting to other people with smiles and waves (or frowns and head turns). “Play is more physical and interactive,” explains Baird. “That’s when our children start to do more cause-and-effect games like playing with dropping toys, or you are seeing them play with food, throw things to see the reactions. They’re also imitating, they’re playing social games like peekaboo.”

Crawling on a Mat

Focus on giving them a safe place to crawl and move at this stage, says Rhea. Being able to move their bodies—and even fall a little—is beneficial. “If you have them on a mat or a blanket or something, it’s not going to hurt them to fall over. When they have those kind of things, it’s teaching them their gross motor skills, and that’s where they’re able to learn how to crawl.”

Rhea recommends putting balls or soft blocks nearby that baby can use their whole body to interact with to help those gross motor skills move forward. Be aware of what they are doing but let them explore on their own.

More Easy Ways to Play with Baby 6–12 Months:

• Toys inside containers that open
• Toys that make noise
• Soft blocks to crawl over
• Outside time on a blanket
• Soft, chew-safe books
• Cause-and-effect games like peekaboo
• Hang out at the playground and watch big kids play

RELATED: Should You Always Say “Yes” to Playing With Your Kids?

No Playdates Necessary 

Around 6 to 12 months, many first-time moms worry about socialization and feel like they need to schedule play dates or find their toddler a friend, but Rhea says it’s not necessary. “They’re really just working on themselves, identifying where things are in space. Being around other babies is not a bad thing. It’s just that they don’t need too much time around other babies.”

If you do schedule playdates, be OK with either party bailing out when their baby is tired, says Baird. “Some babies need short periods of play or interaction, and others prefer longer periods of time. They can start alert for more time for longer and they enjoy that. Other children might get easily overstimulated.”

Limit Screentime

Screens are also something to limit at this age (and until at least age 6, recommends Rhea.) Not only does it shorten attention plans, screentime is a passive activity that doesn’t allow baby to use all five senses, so it’s just not helpful for developing all the skills that active play does, even if it’s educational content, says Baird. “If you’re looking at a screen, you’re not really having the opportunity to explore with all your senses. The child is not leading.”

The Bottom Line

That brings us back to the point about not trying to make a happy baby happier—sometimes we have grand plans in mind, like a picnic at the park, a birthday party, or storytime at the library. Maybe your baby likes strolling through Target or the mall. Or maybe they like being in the carrier and walking in your neighborhood better than Gymboree baby classes. Or, maybe you realize you’ll never make it to any baby storytimes at the library because you have to work.

“It’s not about doing anything complicated. It’s just enjoying your child at these developmental stages and being sensitive and responding to the cues. Baby will guide us on what to do, what they need more of or what they don’t.”

RELATED: How to Bond with Your Toddler When You Have a New Baby