In this article:
• Ways to cope when sleep isn’t possible
• How to snap back into a better headspace
• Signs you may need professional support
• 5 Positive habits for tired moms
Sleep deprivation is practically a hallmark of new motherhood. Between late-night feedings, teething pains and separation anxiety, rest often takes a back seat. Experts estimate that moms lose as much as 700 hours—or 44 full nights—of sleep during the first year postpartum.
This kind of sleep debt doesn’t just wear on you physically. It can affect your mood, memory, concentration and decision-making, making it harder to safely and effectively care for your child. And studies show that women with poor sleep quality are up to three times more likely to develop postpartum depression.
So how can new mothers protect their well-being when uninterrupted sleep isn’t realistic? We talked to two postpartum care experts to learn simple, science-backed self-care strategies to help moms handle those long stretches where real rest isn’t an option.
“Redefining rest means honoring the little pauses that allow healing, calm and clarity. Even small increments of rest—when done with intention—are profoundly restorative.”
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5 Ways to Cope When Sleep Isn’t Possible
Dr. Sheila Chhutani, OB-GYN and Chair of the OB-GYN Department at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas, and Barb Davis, dual-certified birth and postpartum doula and founder of Birth Fort Worth, have been supporting new mothers for nearly 20 years. These are their tips for coping with exhaustion in early parenthood.
1. Reframe sleep expectations:
“Redefining rest means honoring the little pauses that allow healing, calm and clarity. Even small increments of rest—when done with intention—are profoundly restorative,” says Chhutani. Instead of worrying about long stretches of sleep, rest for shorter intervals throughout the day, and prioritize sleep when your baby sleeps, rather than trying to stick to a traditional schedule.
2. Avoid stimulation:
Even when you’re not getting regular rest, practicing good sleep habits will ensure that you can sleep when you actually have the time. Chhutani recommends avoiding caffeine and other stimulants and steering clear of phones and televisions during regular sleep hours.
3. Take micro-rests:
As a mom, there’s always something that needs to get done, but when you’re short on sleep, it’s essential to let go of unnecessary tasks and take small moments for yourself. Davis notes that stillness is powerful and when sleep isn’t an option, guided meditations and practicing deep, diaphragmatic breathing can help.
These short “brain breaks” allow your body to reset by slowing your heart rate, stabilizing blood pressure and lowering stress hormones, thus restoring focus and improving mood. “In the postpartum period, these micro-rest moments can help with physical healing, mental health, bonding with the baby and sustainable energy,” Chhutani shares.
4. Schedule sleep windows:
Once your partner goes back to work, shared nighttime care often fades, so schedule rest periods—nap in the early evening while your partner watches the baby and take extra time on the weekends to catch up on lost sleep.
5. Nourish your body:
Sleep isn’t the only thing that can boost your energy. Eating small, colorful, protein-packed meals throughout the day and staying hydrated can help too. Look for foods high in vitamin D, omega-3 fatty acids, iron, B vitamins, magnesium and probiotics, and consider taking postnatal vitamins to fill any gaps.
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How to Snap Back Into a Better Headspace
Sleep deprivation can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming, which can lead to anxiety and even depression. Chhutani and Davis both remind moms of the importance of owning your feelings and recognizing when you’re struggling. They suggest using these tactics to regain calm when you start to spiral.
Name your feelings:
“This is anxiety. I’m tired and overstimulated, not broken.” When you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, you should simply state what is causing your feelings and recognize that it doesn’t define you as a mother. This can diminish emotional reactivity and allow you to regain control.
Ground yourself:
Another way to prevent a meltdown when you’re overtired is to step outside for fresh air and sunlight. Chhutani recommends using the 5-4-3-2-1 method when doing this—notice five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.
Get moving:
Going for a walk, dancing, yoga and other light exercises release endorphins and can boost your mood. Davis says simply move in a way that feels good to you.
Calm before care:
It’s hard to let go of the reflex to run to your baby every time they cry, but just like when you’re on an airplane, you need to put your oxygen mask on first. “Self-regulation must happen before you can regulate your baby,” Davis says. If you feel off in any way, ask yourself one simple question: ’Do I feel tension anywhere in my body?’
If you answer yes, breathe into that feeling. “Put one hand over your heart and the other over your belly. Take a few deep breaths noticing how your belly expands with each inhale. Drop your shoulders as you exhale and repeat the mantra—’I can do hard things,’” she says.
Express yourself:
It can be hard to admit when we’re struggling, but it’s one of the most beneficial things you can do for you and your baby. “Don’t wait for someone to ask what you need—tell your village, even if it’s to say, ‘I just need help or a break,’” Chhutani says. She also shares that it’s healthy to admit when “today feels hard.” Talking to friends, family, or a support group can help you to release stress.
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When to Seek Professional Help
Rest can feel impossible during the first year, but when sleep loss accumulates, it can do more than cause fatigue—it can increase the risk of postpartum mood disorders, affecting both you and your baby’s well-being. Exhaustion is common, but you don’t have to face its effects alone. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not failure.
6 Signs You May Need Additional Support:
1. Ongoing sadness, emptiness or tearfulness beyond two weeks postpartum
2. Racing thoughts or constant worry about your baby or yourself
3. Irritability, anger or extreme mood swings
4. Feeling numb or detached from your baby or loved ones
5. Ignoring personal care or going without sleep for over 48 hours
6. Urgent Red Flags: Expressions of self-harm or harming the baby, hearing voices, appearing confused, disoriented, or agitated. In these cases, call 9-1-1 or go to the nearest ER.
If you notice any of the signs above or just feel off, contact your doctor to discuss the best course of action.
RELATED: Search our Mom-Approved healthcare directory to find counselors near you
5 Positive Habits for Tired Moms
1. Celebrate three good things you do each day.
2. Engage in mindful meditation.
- What am I thankful for?
- What have I learned today that will help me tomorrow?
- What is something I can do to make today easier for me?
3. Practice simple daily affirmations.
- I can do hard things.
- My baby is warm, clean, fed, and loved, and that is all they need.
- I’m allowed to say no.
- I’m allowed to choose myself over pleasing others.
4. Live smarter: Have groceries delivered, schedule big items like water and pet food to autoship, meal prep on the weekends, etc.
5. Stretch before naps and bed times to promote relaxation and rest.
