Let someone talk to him today. Please invite him to sit with them or ask him to play. Let them look past his differences and see the person inside.
It’s the unspoken plea of many parents across North Texas as they send their children with disabilities out into the world. Every day, they hope their child will be treated with respect and kindness, compassion and dignity. They yearn for their child to be included.
LaDonna Denslow is one of these parents. Her 10-year-old son Logan has autism and is sometimes left out by his peers. “I wish I could speak to his class when he’s not in the room,” the Lake Highlands mom confides, “and explain to the other kids how his brain is different, yet he still loves basketball; he still has interests and interesting things to say. There is still so much common ground … if you can just get past those little differences.”
There is a movement afoot, however, that is doing just that: teaching children to see past their differences. Fueled by award-winning children’s novels about acceptance, such as R.J. Palacio’s Wonder and Sharon Draper’s Out of My Mind, parents are becoming more mindful about raising children who are inclusive and compassionate, with a growing number taking action to involve their communities.
For Denslow, this meant creating a support group for parents of children who are, as she puts it, “atypical” in one way or another. “We called ourselves Square Pegs because we wanted to say — in sort of a lighthearted way — that we are here for when your child doesn’t fit in the mold,” she explains.
These children range from kids with autism, like Logan, to children with mild to severe disabilities or craniofacial and limb differences. Some have tracheotomy tubes; others just have a hard time fitting in.
According to Denslow, social isolation is a common topic of discussion among these parents, who gather for mutual support and friendship, working together to effect change in their community.
Members also help bridge differences by taking action: Some have opted to install “Choose Kind” mini-libraries in schools, offering titles to help kids grow in compassion and acceptance. Others work closely with teachers and parents at their children’s schools to help integrate their children with their mainstream peers through education.
At Green Elementary in Allen, one parent’s desire to help teach acceptance and understanding evolved into a weeklong, school-wide unit on celebrating differences. Angie Potter found that her call for inclusion was met with an outpouring of support and enthusiasm from the school principal and school counselor. Working together, they created Celebrate Me! Week, where teachers and parent volunteers help students understand what some of their classmates with disabilities experience on a daily basis.
“I had heard of disability awareness days,” says Potter, “and I wanted to take it a step further by making it a full week and teaching our kids through hands-on simulation stations about various disabilities and learning challenges. But [I] also wanted to teach them in a real way that all of us have challenges, and these challenges are part of what makes us unique!”
Janice Moran, a Fort Worth licensed transition counselor and blind children’s specialist for the state's Division for Blind Services, has been blind since birth. She encourages parents to begin by being relaxed when approaching someone who is different. “When parents have their kiddos come ask me questions … then I feel the parent and child start to relax and open up,” she says. “A tone of voice that isn't scolding or ‘hush-hush’ also conveys that this is just something else that we can all learn about.”
Another way to help your child move past someone’s physical differences is to acknowledge their natural curiosity and leverage it to look for similarities instead of differences, offers North Texas mom and Square Pegs member Debbie Bono. If the situation permits, introduce your child and ask the other child’s name. Don’t be afraid to allow your child to ask questions. They may say, “Why are you in a wheelchair?” After the child answers, you might interject, “Isn’t it interesting how we are all different in so many different ways? Look, he has a Minecraft shirt on. We love Minecraft.”
Allowing children to ask questions is a way to help them feel comfortable with a new friend, and it’s also an opportunity to help them choose words that are respectful and kind. Be prepared to stop them and help them replace hurtful words with better choices and — no matter how embarrassing the blunder — don’t dash off. Moran points out that being able to laugh about a misstep is a great way to diffuse awkwardness.
Of course, the best way to create change is to be the change. Live it out. Modeling inclusion is a daily practice of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagining how he or she might feel about a birthday party invitation or an after-school playdate.
Another Square Pegs mother, who asked not to be identified, says parents don’t realize what a huge deal this can be. “I was attending a neighborhood meeting and overheard two women talking about an upcoming child’s birthday party, and whether or not their children were going to attend. This student was autistic,” she explains. “I blurted out, ‘Please, please, please have your child attend that party. If not for the birthday child, then please have them attend as a kind gesture toward the mother. I’ve been on the other end of that birthday invitation. It’s excruciating.’”
Her feelings reflect how children who are differently-abled feel each and every day as they navigate a world where they frequently feel invisible and undervalued by their peers. Fortunately, it’s a plea that is no longer silent; armed with awareness and a desire to change things, parents all around North Texas are taking action to show that though we may all look different, the right to be acknowledged and appreciated is the same for everyone.
Denslow says her biggest wish is for mainstream kids and parents to make the extra effort to get to know kids who have disabilities or are just different. “Take the extra time to find out about them,” she implores. “Ask them to play. Include everyone. There is something cool and interesting about everyone. And if you take the time, they may help you see the world in a different way.”
