Betsy Stuetze laces up her running shoes and stretches for her early morning run. She and husband Chris are training for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon this year, aiming to raise over $5,000 for Team in Training, the fundraising training group for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. “It’s funny … each year after the race I tell myself, ‘this is the last time,’” she muses on her fundraising blog. “And a few months later when I finally stop hurting, I remember why I do it … to make a difference. And I start all over again.”
The Stuetzes’s story doesn’t start out the way many adoptive couples’ stories do. Chris and Betsy already had two biological children, a boy and a girl. Their family was complete. Then their oldest, Alex, was diagnosed with leukemia and passed away in 2006, when she was just 13 years old. After a few years, the family decided they needed to fill the void Alex left. “We had been unable to conceive after our son was born. We wanted more children, and adoption was our best and most compassionate option,” recalls Betsy.
But when she and her husband began looking at private domestic and even international adoption, it didn’t feel right. “You could spend upwards of $30,000 … to us it felt like we were buying children when there were so many in need. So, we chose to go with adopting through the state foster care system.”
After doing some research, the Stuetzes decided to foster and adopt siblings rather than just one child. This would enable them to get younger children – the median age for foster children is nine years old – and maintain the birth order for their biological son, Nik, who was 8 at the time. As part of their training, they also learned about the psychological damage caused by separating siblings. “That was the kicker,” says Betsy. “Chris and I left that training sobbing. The decision was made.”
Foster adoptions have doubled since 1997, when states were given extra incentive to place children in permanent, stable homes. Of the 6,000 kids currently available for adoption in Texas, about 70 percent are in sibling sets. The state has responded to the need to get these children adopted by expanding the definition of “special needs” to include sibling sets who have no disabilities. That means a faster process for families – 12 to 18 months in most cases. The Stuetzes got Marcus the day he was born. They got his older sister, Emily, two months after they began caring for Marcus. When Marcus and Emily had been living with them for a year, they got a call about a new baby sister, and brought her home six months later.
Once committed to the process, a family can become certified and approved to have sibling sets placed in their home in as little as six to nine months. Typically, the foster-to-adopt families must foster for six months before filing a petition with the court to finalize the adoption. It can be a tough wait for any family, Betsy says. “The hardest part of the process was wondering, ‘What are the birth parents going to do now?’ Visitation, no visitation. They show up at court, they disappear. It was the constant uncertainty of it all. It followed us up till the moment when the judge’s gavel hit the podium and said they were ours.”
The Stuetzes’s situation was unique in that they began fostering before the birth parents’ parental rights were severed. Usually sibling sets are immediately eligible for adoption, meaning their birth parents have no more parental rights to the children, and any existing relatives have either been deemed unfit to care for the children or have refused to accept responsibility for them. The biggest obstacle for these children is waiting for the right family to become licensed to adopt. After an individual or couple has become licensed to foster, it’s typically another six to nine months to adopt.
Going the foster care route also means the state looks at the whole picture of the family – the environment, the relationships, stability, compatibility between parent and child – before placing a child in a home. In private adoptions, when the birth mother has to choose between several qualified families, finances often trump all other considerations. But the state’s priority is to place the children in a safe home where they will be cared for, nurtured and loved.
Foster-to-adopt parents in Texas must meet all the qualifications of foster parents, plus all the qualifications for adoptive parents. You must be 21 years old, physically and emotionally healthy, and without a history of abuse or a criminal background. You can be single or married, employed or retired, heterosexual or homosexual. Your family must also complete a comprehensive home study. During the home study process, families are asked detailed questions about their financial status, professional life, and social habits so the caseworker can get as full and complete a picture as possible and match the family with the right children.
Families considering adoption through the foster system should pick an agency that has a foster-to-adopt program and works with the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS). Some agencies only do private adoptions, and some do strictly DFPS adoptions, but most will do both. Some agencies will not work with single parents, and others have age or religious restrictions, so families should choose an agency whose guidelines match their lifestyle. “Take the time to find the right agency, and go in knowing it will be the hardest journey of your life, but it’s worth it,” says Betsy. “All our workers were amazing. We were the very first case for our CPS worker, adoption worker and our agency worker so they were very passionate, and eager to help no matter what it took.”
Adoptive parents of sibling sets are eligible to receive reimbursement for certain legal expenses regardless of income, and the out-of-pocket cost for adopting is minimal, unlike private adoptions. If the adoptive families’ adjusted gross income is below $220,000, they can apply for $12,000 in income tax credit. After adoption, the children get free health insurance as well as free in-state college tuition. Families have access to lots of resources during the foster process to help both parties adjust, even after the adoption is finalized. Most of these resources and programs are state funded but run by or provided through individual agencies.
Betsy says the process was at times emotionally grueling, but that in the end it’s worth it – kind of like being pregnant. “The coolest thing is seeing them all together, the three of them and our son, Nik. They couldn’t look any [more] different, but you know just by seeing them together they are a family … all of them.”
To learn more about adopting a sibling set through the state’s foster-to-adopt program, visit AdoptChildren.org to get dates and times for informational meetings.
Carin Evans has more than ten years of personal injury practice as legal counsel for insurance companies and as a representative of accident and injury victims. In 2011, Carin expanded her practice to include adoption law and now represents families seeking to adopt through the foster care system. For more information on her practice, visit ParisAssociates.com.
