Boy moms, you’re a special group. You do what many deem to be exceptionally hard work. But sometimes, you receive that unnecessary look of pity or “comfort.” One of our mommy bloggers is a mom of not one, not two, not even three, but four boys, and she is over those looks. She takes pride in what she calls her “boy band.” Read what she has to say for all the boy moms out there.
I am the proud member of an esteemed and exclusive club: I am the mother of four boys. I didn’t realize I was joining the ranks of such a niche group, but wherever I go, I hear the same things over and over again:
“Four boys? God bless you!”
“One more and you’ll have a basketball team.”
And my all-time favorite: “Trying for a girl, huh?”
Let me go on record and say that my sons were not the result of some failed plan. I love my sons and couldn’t have cared less about the gender of my children.
In fact, I take pride in my status as the ultimate boy mom. But I can’t help feeling defensive whenever I get the pitiful look or placating arm pat from a well-meaning stranger when they “comfort” me for my lack of daughters.
I guess I missed the memo about having daughters being the only true key to happiness. Or maybe it’s less about my lack of girls and more about the sheer quantity of male heirs I was able to produce in one lifetime.
Either way, raising sons is both a blessing and an honor. I think there are many misconceptions about raising boys, and I would like to clear that up.
Girls aren’t the only ones who “wanna have fun!” Boys are a blast. Having boys is a great excuse for me to have my cake and eat it too.
I enjoy experiencing the things my boys love, such as sports and superheroes. And I get to share the things I love with them, like K-pop and corny movies. They have open minds and love to experience new things.
Boys can break the mold. This might come as a shock, but boys come in all types. I get to experience this even more when I see the variety of personalities and interests in my own sons.
One is shy, one is funny, one is really talkative, and one is incredibly independent. Each child deserves a thoughtful, unique approach to parenting regardless of gender.
They don’t all fit a stereotype. My boys are messy. And stinky. They are loud and dirty, and they pee on everything. But they are also thoughtful and kind.
My boys are respectful, caring and courteous. They can be dramatic, sensitive and completely wonderful. They have feelings, and shed a surprising amount of tears.
Did I mention stinky? I feel like it bears repeating.
Boys will not be boys. But one day, they will be men. I put my effort into raising young men that will one day improve their communities, support families of their own and make me proud.
I completely expect them to clean and cook, say “Ma’am” and “Sir,” and treat others with respect.
I don’t give them a pass for being boys, nor do I excuse bad “boy-like” behavior. When all you have are sons, you realize very quickly that the key to raising a good man is less about typical gender roles and more about being a good human being.
Don’t leave boys behind. As a grown-up little girl myself, I am extremely proud when I see the changes we are making to build the esteem and position of girls. While much work has yet to be done, education, media and the workplace have made efforts to break down walls and blaze new trails towards equality.
Unfortunately, this work will be for naught if we don’t continue to improve the status and expectations for our boys as well. We need to continue to show all of our children strong role models and examples, teach them appropriate behaviors, and hold them accountable for their actions.
Yes, I am a boy mom. I am surrounded by funny, goofy, stinky little men all day long. But when you see me with my boy band in tow, don’t pity me or think that they were just the result of “trying for a girl.”
Boys are complex, unique individuals, and I accept the challenge of turning them into fine young men. I’m quite happy with my guys. In fact, I consider myself the queen of my household.
Jenay Sherman is a Christian, wife, and mother to four boys in McKinney, Texas. She was selected as the 2017 Texas Mother of the Year, and loves writing about their family adventures. You can follow along on Scary Mommy, or on her personal site, 4 Amusing Muses.
Image courtesy of Pexels.