Your birth plan included …
A. A midwife, a bathtub and a placenta smoothie.
B. What birth plan?
C. A copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting and Lamaze classes.
D. A doctor, a doula, a binder and a notary public.
Your diaper pail …
A. What diaper pail? We’re a diaper-free home.
B. Is stocked with Huggies or Luvs or … whatever’s on sale.
C. Is chock-full of green diapers and chemical-free baby wipes.
D. Contains only reusable, sustainable, nonpolluting, cotton cloth diapers.
It’s time to experiment with solid food. You …
A. Pre-chew. Sharing is caring!
B. Grab the nearest jar of Gerber.
C. Stock up on organic greens, and maybe give oatmeal cereal a try.
D. Break out the Baby Bullet. Pureed kumquat it is!
Your go-to parenting book is …
A. Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer
B. I’m not big on parenting books. I call my mom when I have a question.
C. 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12 by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.
D. Book? Try books—I’m working my way through a library.
Your family’s typical dinner …
A. Consists of fresh fruits and veggies, picked straight from the garden.
B. Varies, depending on what’s on sale and what I find on Pinterest.
C. Is a balanced diet of organic grass-fed meats and veggies.
D. Would put Julia Child to shame.
Fast-forward five years. Junior drops the F-bomb. You …
A. Have a 20-minute discussion to help him identify the emotions behind the curse word.
B. Can’t help but laugh. Kids say the darndest things!
C. Cringe in embarrassment and make a mental note to have a talk later … and watch your own mouth more closely.
D. Put him in a five-minute timeout and take his favorite toy away for five days minimum. Time to implement a swear jar!
It’s time for a family vacay. You …
A. Pop a tent at a nearby state park where you can have family meditation in peace.
B. Take a cruise. It’s easy and inexpensive—and there’s onsite child care!
C. Pay Mickey and Minnie a visit. Disney World, y’all!
D. Take a cross-county road trip, stopping at historical landmarks and completing an educational scavenger hunt as you go.